a bright future
by Ms.Jackson53
Summary: takes place during 6x16 after killing someone from the group Negan takes Carl as insurance.
1. Chapter 1: insurance

Chapter 1: insurance

I watched Abraham fall to the ground several holes caused by the barbed wire wrapped around the bat Negan had called Lucille, were now in his head, they gushed blood witch poured down his face in crimson rivulets.

Abraham's eyes had rolled to the back of his head and his mouth moved uncontrollably as he tried to utter his final words.

"Sash…Sash"

I looked beside me to see tears pouring down Sasha's face, I could tell she was trying hard not to sob or cry out to him, her face was strained and her eyes were filled with so much sorrow it almost hurt to look at them.

My attention was turned back to Negan as he swung again a maniacal smile stretched across his tanned and bearded face, the bat once again connected with the back of Abrahams head with a sickening crunch.

This time his skull cracked, and more blood than I've ever seen poured through the cracks of his shattered skull, along with parts of brain and gore.

I could no longer hold it in and tears started to roll down my cheek, I shut my eye tightly I had seen some horrible things, but this was to much, I had never seen someone die like this, not at the hands of another person.

I knew that people were bad, that they were a bigger threat then the walkers but I just couldn't understand how someone could be so cruel as to smash someone else's head in and still be able to smile, to live with it.

I kept my eyes shut hearing crack after crack, as Negan brought his bat down again and again, on what used to be Abraham, on what used to be someone I looked up to, someone who was strong and fearless and had so much to live for, but now, now he was just another dead body, just another grave to dig, now Abraham Ford was just a memory.

I hadn't realized it was over until Negan said,

"Woo I think Lucille's had enough"

I clenched my teeth trying to keep my anger contained, I hadn't known Abraham very well but I knew he didn't deserve to die like this, especially not at the hands of someone like Negan.

"Now" Negan started leaning down in front of my father that devilish smile still etched on his cheerful face.

"I need you to listen, and I need you to listen very closely, this" he said pointing Lucille at Abrahams lifeless body "is what happens when you think you can do whatever the hell you want."

Negan looked over at me and his smile grew even wider making my stomach clench, I put on a strong face but my fear out weighed my anger greatly.

He walked over to me and grabbed my arm and pulled me to my feet, he readjusted my hat and flannel shirt in a mocking way.

"What's you're name young man?"

I didn't want to answer him, I wanted to punch him, again and again, I wanted to let all my anger out on him, make him feel the same pain he made Abraham and all of us feel, but I was only a kid, and Negan was a ruthless leader of a large group of murders, I wouldn't stand a chance.

"Carl" I said trying hard not to let my voice break

"Well Carl you and I are going to go for a little trip."

"NO!" dad yelled, he struggled against the man holding him.

My eyes started to grow wide as his words sunk in. He was going to take me, probably as leverage. I started to tremble with fear, if I let him take me who knows what would happen, what he was capable of, he beat a mans skull in without even flinching, what would he do to me.

I started to struggle, witch only made Negan laugh, he grabbed my other arm and turned me around in one swift movement and started to tie my hands behind my back.

"Please" dad pleaded "I'll do anything you want, just please don't!"

Negan just smiled again his enthusiastic bravado never wearing off.

"Now you see Rick that right there is a damn lie, as long as you have your son, as long as you have what you care about most, you're in control, and you would still have a chance to stand against me with you're son right by your side, don't worry he won't be harmed, he'll just be staying with us for a little while."

Tears were now streaming down my dad's face as he was probably realizing Negan was going to take me and there was nothing he could do about it.

"Dwight take the boy to the RV"

The man with the blond hair that reached to his shoulder's, grabbed me with one hand, the other clutched Daryl's crossbow. He lead me to the RV his hand wrapped so tightly around my wrist I was sure I was going to have a bruise.

"Wait!" dad shouted "just tell me what I need to do to get him back, please"

Negan leaned down once again and firmly grabbed my father's face witch was twisted with desperation.

"You can have him back once I'm sure that you will cooperate and do everything I say without question, do you really think you can do that now, and before you answer know that if you even think about lying I will cut the boy's other eye out and shove so far down your throat, it'll come out your ass."

Dad kept his mouth shut, everyone knew the answer, dad wasn't going to let Negan control him even after what he did to Abraham, dad would find a way to fight. But Negan knew his weakness, me.

"Dwight, Douglas, Sebastian and Anthony your coming with me, everyone else escort these lovely people back to Alexandria."

All Negan's men started to move, me ,Negan and the four men he had called started towards the RV Dwight maintaining his tight grip on my wrist pulling me along, I buried my feet into the ground and fought against him, stalling the inevitable. He only cursed and tightened his grip.

I looked back at my dad and everyone one else, Negan's men were lifting all of them to their feet and dragging them to cars, I caught a glimpse of Michonne, she was staring at me tears running down her dark cheeks, she had a sad look on her face _everything's going to be okay_ she mouthed before a man stuffed her into a car.

I looked over at my dad, he had the same sad look on his face but his was a lot deeper _I'll be okay_ I mouthed, this made his sad look deepen but he nodded and mouthed _I love you_ I was going to say it back before he was also shoved into a car, I watched his face in the window as they drove away, memorizing every detail of it, hoping this wouldn't be the last time I see it.

I turned around once the car was gone. Negan stepped into the RV along with the two men he had called Sebastian and Anthony, Dwight dragged me inside, I was no longer fighting knowing it was useless, even if I found someway to get away I wouldn't be able to make it back to Alexandria on my own. The only way I was getting back was if Negan gave me back or if dad came for me and I knew it.

Dwight sat me down at the table and Negan sat on the other side across from me with a smile.

"Get comfortable it's gonna be a long ride."


	2. Chapter 2: the new world order

The RV stopped in front of a factory, the place was huge with long steam pipes protruding from the top and multiple staircases going to different places, it was made of gray stone and the size of five football stadiums.

I hadn't realized I was gaping until Negan told me to close my mouth. Dwight once again grabbed me by my arm and dragged me out of the RV onto the dirt ground that surrounded the factory. The rope binding my hands was cutting into my wrists even though I had been scraping it against the side of my chair the whole ride until it was close to snapping.

Out of the corner of my eye I caught a gleam, I looked over to Dwight's belt to see a gun strapped in his holster, if I could just break this rope and get to it, if I could just find the right moment, I knew the road back to Alexandria wouldn't be easy, but I had to at least try, I just needed to find the right moment.

Negan started to talk to some men in a jeep and Dwight had started leading me towards the factory with Sebastian Douglas and Anthony following behind us, I kept my eyes on the gun making sure not to make it too obvious what I was planning "hey kid" Dwight said in an exasperated voice "move your ass we ain't got all day"

I looked around to see Negan still talking and Dwight had turned to say something to Sebastian and Anthony, all the rest of the saviours were at Alexandria meaning it was only us six and some guards here and there, but no one was looking at me, I knew this was my chance.

I tugged at the rope again and this time it snapped, I reached over and grabbed Dwight's gun in one swift motion, his head snapped back towards me. He gave me a frustrated glare as I raised the gun

"You little-"

I cut him off by pulling the trigger he hit the ground and the guard behind him went down with a yelp and a splatter of blood, I aimed the gun at Negan just as he had turned around to see what all the commotion was about.

I was seconds away from pulling the trigger and getting my revenge, making him pay for murdering Abraham and leaving Sasha heartbroken, for killing someone who had so much further to go, Abraham was a warrior, a survivor, he was a good man with a bright future and it had been taken away by a smile and a bat.

A body crashed into mine and we both hit the ground, I looked up to see Dwight lifting himself up from just tackling me, he grabbed the gun quicker than I could react and struck me across the face.

He kicked me in the ribs over and over, each kick sending a shockwave of pain throughout my body "I'll kill you!"

"Dwight! Back the fuck off!" Negan yelled coming towards us.

"You're going to beat on a little defenseless child?" Dwight backed away and Negan came forward, a talk-show-host smile on his face.

"Is that any way to treat our new guest?"

Negan stretched out his hand "come on I'll show you around" I reluctantly took his arm and he lifted me to my feet as I put my hat back on, I glared at him disappointed that I had missed my chance to rid the world of his psychotic ways.

But he just looked down at me with a smirk and an amused look on his face.

"I don't think I'll get around to fucking so much as one of my wives tonight" he said turning towards the factory

I scowled at him and added perv to the list of reasons why I wanted to kill him.

"What are you going to do to me?" I asked as we reached a door and he knocked on it.

He looked over at me with a slightly disappointed look, but I just glared at him not caring how he felt about me.

"Number one, don't shatter my image of you. You're a fucking badass. You're not scared of shit. Don't be scared of me. It's a disappointment."

I looked over at him wanting to punch that smug tanned face, I was sick of him and his optimism and his obliviousness to all the horrible things he's done. I needed to find me way out of there, away from this lunatic.

We walked into the lobby witch was just a small room with a checkered floor and stairs leading up to a catwalk. A few people questioned Negan about the gunshot, but he just shrugged it off and said he was handling it, witch made me a little uneasy, I knew he wouldn't let me get away with killing one of his men and trying to kill him.

We walked across the catwalk and turned a few times until we came to a hall with doors lining the walls, he stopped at one and opened it, he walked inside and gestured for me to follow.

It was a small room with stonewalls that were covered in layers of dirt and grime, there was a mattress in the corner and a metal pole in the middle of the room that stretched from the ceiling to the floor.

"This is where you'll be staying" Negan said with a smile making me wonder for the millionth time if his face ever hurt from how much he smiled.

"Dwight will bring you food everyday, Sebastian and Anthony will stand guard outside your door making sure you don't try anything, and Douglas will check on you every night. got it?" I nodded reluctantly, he turned to exit, when I decided I could no longer stop myself from asking.

"Why did you do it?" I asked failing at not letting my anger seep into my words "why did you kill Abraham!? We would've listened we would've worked for you! he didn't deser-"

"Do you think it's about what you deserve? All the people you've lost, do you think they deserved to die? They died not because they were weak or unlucky they didn't die because they deserved it, its just the way things are, it's the new world order."

"You're new world order is bullshit! You didn't have to kill him! You're a monster! A murderer!"

Negan walked over to me faster than I could flinch and grabbed my face he leaned in until we were only inches apart, his glare filling every fiber of my being with fear.

"Get used to it kid, this world its full of monsters and murderers, You know how you survive it? Make sure you're the scariest one"

He let go of my face with a shove and I fell on the stone floor as he walked to the door, he turned to look at me before opening it.

"You're dad he loves you, but we always lose what we love."


	3. Chapter 3: the room

The days passed in a blur, I had quickly lost track of the time I had spent in the stone room.

Every morning, afternoon and night Dwight would come to my room with a tray of food, it was always the same. breakfast was always scrambled eggs and sausage, lunch was always a ham sandwich and an apple and dinner was always a slab of meat with mashed potatoes.

I quickly got sick of all three meals, and Dwight would usually leave with a tray full of food.

Every night Douglas would come to my room to check on me, he was a tall man with about the same build as dad, he had a well-trimmed beard and a buzz cut.

He would usually just check my blood pressure and ask if I ate. I always said yes even though he always knew it was a lie. I got a strange vibe from the guy, he looked at me in a very strange way, I felt I knew that look but couldn't place my finger on it.

That afternoon Dwight had just left with a plate that still had everything it did when he walked in.

"Start eating kid you're scrawny ass needs it"

I just scowled and looked back at the same wall I had been staring at for seven days, or was it eight?

Dwight just shrugged and walked out. A couple minutes later the door creaked open again and Anthony popped his head in.

"Hey" he said with a grin

Anthony was one of Negan's youngest men, he had dark curly hair that hung over his eyes and always wore the same red plaid shirt.

Most nights he would come in and we would play cards, the first night I was hesitant, but eventually we had become friends. He would tell me stories about college and his ex-girlfriends, we would talk about normal things as though we were two normal young men, and I was grateful for it.

He walked over to the mattress I was sitting on, sat on the floor across from me, and starting shuffling the cards.

"You haven't been eating, I saw Dwight leaving with a full plate, again."

He looked up at me with a slightly worried look, and I almost smiled, grateful that I had someone who cared.

"It's fine, I'm just not hungry"

"You should be, you haven't eaten in days, you're pale and Douglas tells me you're blood pressures extremely low."

"Douglas doesn't know shit"

Anthony smirked. Another thing we had in common was our hatred for Douglas, the man always wore a scowl and regarded everyone with a cold glare, he was easy to hate.

"Maybe" Anthony started, the worried look back on his face "but he's the only one here who qualifies as a doctor, and he says if you don't start eating soon you could get really sick."

"I'll eat when I get back to Alexandria"

Anthony sighed and placed my cards down in front of me. We started playing crazy eights as Anthony told me about a girl he had met in his freshman year of college.

After about an hour of playing cards, laughing and me beating Anthony for the fifth time in a row, he got up and ruffled my hair witch he knew I hated, he laughed as I scowled.

"I'll see you tomorrow"

He turned and headed towards the door, I had just laid down when he turned back around.

"And try and eat please, for me. I know you miss you're family, but I don't know how long Negan's keeping you here and I don't want you to starve yourself." His tone was laced with concerned and I once again fought the urge to smile.

"I'll try" he smiled and reached up to the chain attached to the light bulb on the ceiling and closed the door engulfing me in darkness.

I laid on my thin mattress and felt lucky that Anthony kept me company. If it weren't for him this place would feel even more like a prison. I just wish I could see dad, I wish I could hear Judith laugh, and exchange jokes with Michonne, I wish I could be home. More than anything I wanted to see Enid again and tell her how sorry I was for locking her in that closet. But until Negan decided dad would cooperate I was stuck here, at least I had Anthony to keep me company. He was the one decent person I had met here. Maybe this place wasn't all bad.

I had just finished that thought when I heard the creak of a door, I sat up to see a sliver of dim light stretch across the floor as the door slowly opened. A figure stood at the doorway.

"Anthony?"

"Not quite" Douglas slipped into the room, shut the door and started towards me.

"Oh, isn't a little early for a checkup?" and that's when I noticed he didn't have any of his equipment, I didn't get a chance to ask what he was doing because he was already in front of me.

A blade pressed against my throat and I stiffened, a chill ran down my spine as he stared at me with that look, and I finally figured out where I knew it from, It was the same look Dan had given me when Joes group attacked us on our way to terminus, a look of hunger.

The man smiled "don't make a sound."


	4. Chapter 4: a dull past

"What do you want from me?"

His hand went to the back of my head and his fingers tangled in my hair as he gripped my brunet locks roughly. There was a sinister smile stretched across his face exposing his yellowing teeth.

"I haven't been able to relieve myself in a while, all the woman here are either Negan's wives or someone else's. But then you came and I knew I couldn't pass up the opportunity."

My heart had started hammering in my chest, I'd been through a lot of things. I'd been shot twice, I watched my mom die, I shot a kid, I watched my dad rip a man's throat out and watched Abraham die.

But this, this was never supposed to happen, dad had made sure of that by ripping Joes throat out, but this man's just like Dan and plans on doing the same thing. The only difference is now I'm alone.

I started struggling I threw my fist in his direction and it hit him square in the jaw. He let go of me to cup his bruised jaw. I jumped off the mattress and practically lunged at the door, but Douglas had quickly recovered from the blow and grabbed my ankle.

I lost my balance and fell to the ground, my head cracked against the stone floor, pain reverberated through my skull and my vision faded a shade darker, I tried to crawl to the door but my movements were sluggish and Douglas still had a firm grip on my ankle.

He started to pull me towards him. I clawed at the floor as I was being pulled into his grasp.

He kept on pulling until I was underneath him, he sat on my legs pinning them to the ground, he grabbed a rag from his pocket and shoved it in my mouth and tied the two ends at the back of my head.

"Wouldn't want anyone to hear us now would we" he said as he grabbed my arms and pinned them to the ground as well.

Douglas ran his fingers threw my hair and gripped it tightly. He stood, still holding my hair and dragged me to the metal pole in the middle of the room.

He slammed me against it and started to undo his belt. I screamed, it was muffled by the rag but still loud enough to be heard. His head immediately snapped up and he clamped a hand over my mouth, an annoyed look on his face.

"Make another sound and I'll fuck you so hard you'll never walk again, be a good boy and I'll go gentle." He smiled his yellow toothy grin once again and tied my hands behind my back with his belt.

Tears started to roll down my cheek, and I fought to hold back sobs. Douglas looked up and grabbed my face. He wiped away my tears with his thumb.

"Don't cry. It wont be that bad, you might even like it"

With that I started struggling again, kicking and flailing doing anything I could to get away from this psychopath. I couldn't let this happen, not this. I was able to get past all the death and disappointment and loss that came with this new world, but I had a feeling that if I let this happen I wouldn't be able to get over it.

Douglas held my shoulders keeping me pinned against the metal pole. I kept kicking and fighting but he only smiled and with one hand grabbed my hair again, his other hand trailed down my chest and to my jeans.

He looked up at me once more with a smile before he slipped his hand into my jeans.

Tears started to pour down my cheek, more tears then I've ever cried, even with only one eye.

I fought with everything I had, I pulled at the belt binding my hands while sobbing as his hand moved over my privates, somewhere he had no right to touch me. He pulled my head back exposing my neck and started to suck on the soft skin, moaning as he stroked me.

I sobbed into the rag and shut my eye, praying someone would hear, anyone.

Just when I had given up all hope that anyone would come or care, the sound of someone clearing their throat came from behind Douglas.

The man immediately removed his hand from my pants and let go of my hair, my head lolled forwards as Douglas whipped around to see where the noise had come from.

Standing in the door way was Negan carrying his bat, and next to him was Anthony. Negan's expression was mostly blank but his eyes were narrowed at Douglas, Anthony stood beside Negan staring at the scene before him with a horrified look.

"Anthony told me he heard a noise coming from Carl's room"

Douglas shot to his feet, a terrified look on his face "please Negan it's not what it looks like"

"Really cause you know what it looked like to me, it looked like you had you're hand in the boy's pants and it looked like he didn't like it very much."

"Come on Negan the kid deserves it"

"Is that so?"

"The prick's father killed more of our men than we could count!"

Negan pursed his lips, an unreadable look on his face. Finally he said "you know what, you're right" my heart dropped at his words, I should've known he wouldn't help me, I should've known better than to believe that people could still be good. I started to struggle until Negan spoke again.

"His father did kill our men, but you know who didn't?"

Negan pointed at me "what gives you the right to decide if he's punished for something he didn't do?" Negan had started circling Douglas with Lucille over his shoulder.

"What's our number one rule Douglas?"

"N-no rape"

"Exactly and what were you trying to do?"

Negan had Lucille pointed at the trembling mans chest.

"I'm sorry Negan, it'll never happen again" the man pleaded pathetically.

Negan nudged him with Lucille "that's not what I asked" he said with a firm voice letting Douglas know that he should probably answer him correctly.

Douglas gulped fear written all over his face " I-I tried to r-rape him"

"So tell me Douglas what gives you the right, the authority to take someone's choice away, to force them"

"I-I just wanted-"

"What? To get laid, couldn't find a girlfriend so you just decided to molest a kid?"

I would've laughed at the dumbstruck look on Douglas' face if I had the strength. I hadn't eaten in three days, or was it four? And I was started to feel lightheaded.

"I'm s-sorry"

For a moment Negan just stood in front of him an expressional look on his face. Then he broke out into a wide grin.

"I believe you Douglas, you didn't mean it right?"

Douglas nodded relieved. Anthony had an angry look on his face, but I knew he wouldn't stand up to Negan, he was going to let Douglas go and there was nothing either of us could do about.

Douglas had started toward the door with his head down. I didn't need to be able to see him to know he was smiling. Negan was letting him go even after what he'd done. I knew it wasn't going to be over, Douglas would try again and maybe next time Negan wouldn't be there to stop him.

Douglas had just reached the door with his hand on the knob when Negan tapped him on his shoulder.

"Oh, and Douglas one more thing"

Douglas turned around and faster than I could blink, Negan swung Lucille, her wooden barbed wire wrapped surface connected with Douglas face.

He went down with a scream of agony clutching the side of his face that was now littered with bleeding holes.

"We!"

 _Crack_

"Don't!"

 _Crack_

"Rape!"

 _Crack_

With each word he delivered a fatal blow to Douglas' head with his beloved Lucille.

I watched as Douglas' face went from one of a man's to nothing but gore and ripped flesh, I watched as blood pooled around the mound of torn flesh, shattered skull and pieces of brain.

"arl…are…ou…ok…carl…an…ou…ear…me, carl!" my head snapped up to Anthony, who was now kneeling in front of me.

"Hey buddy" he said with a sad undertone faking a smile "everything's going to be ok, I'm gonna get you outta here"

He untied the rag that was wrapped around my head and then starting undoing the belt that bound my wrists.

I looked over Anthony's shoulder to see Negan staring at me, he was panting from just having beaten Douglas' brains in, he held his now bloody prized possession, blood and even parts of brain were splattered on the side of his face.

Anthony grabbed my arms and stood helping me to my feet, I was shaking violently and my insides felt twisted the ghosts of Douglas' hands still trailing over my body. I would've thrown up if I had something to throw up.

"Hey buddy you okay?" I immediately wanted to slap Anthony across the face for asking the stupidest question ever. Of course I wasn't okay I was almost…

"I-I"

I was going to tell him I would never be okay again when a wave of nausea hit me and I could feel my eye roll to the back of my head, my feet gave out on me and I fell forward into Anthony's arms.

And the world faded to black.


	5. Chapter 5: a better cause

**This chapter is in Negan's POV, just don't want anyone to get confused :)**

The boy's eye rolled to the back of his head and his body went limp. Anthony was able to catch him before he could hit the floor.

Anthony looked up at me "he's weak he needs food"

The young man put his hand to Carl's head, when he pulled it away it was red with blood.

"He hit his head" Anthony said with concern

"Take him to the infirmary, I'll be there in a sec"

Anthony put one hand under the boy's knees and the other under his spine, lifting him into his arms. He left the room carrying the boy.

I walked over to the mattress in the corner. I knelt down in front of it. The brown sheriffs hat the boy had been wearing when we brought him here rested on the ruffled sheets. I lifted it and a photo fell out. It was faded and wrinkled, a woman was smiling at the camera she had long brown hair and a warm smile. I flipped it over and written on the back in slightly sloppy handwriting was,

 _I know you didn't get to know mom, but I thought you could at least know what she looked like._

 _-You're big brother Carl_

I sighed and walked to the infirmary clutching the Sheriffs hat and photo.

I walked in to see Carl lying on the metal operating table that was in the middle of the stark white room, Anthony sat beside him as a nurse inserted an IV into the boy's arm.

I walked into the room still holding my bloody beauty Lucille, the nurse glanced at her and gulped nervously knowing that someone had just gotten the bat. She hurriedly secured the needle in Carl's arm and walked out.

I stepped behind Anthony who was seated beside Carl watching his chest rise and fall. The boy looked awful. His hair was matted because of the blood on his head and his ashen face was gaunt, my eyes fell to his neck where Douglas had given him an unwanted hickey.

I looked down at Lucille and smiled at the thought of Douglas never being able to do that to anyone again, he was a heartless rapist intent on scarring a boy for life. But now, now he's just another dead body one among many just like him.

"Thank you, for stopping him" Anthony said still staring at Carl.

"You really care about him, why?"

"He just reminds me of someone I used to know"

I put my hand on Anthony's shoulder he looked up at me with a slightly shocked look, I usually only touch my saviours when I'm punishing them.

"Extra food privileges, for bringing this to my attention"

Anthony turned back around to Carl "give it to him, get him something different to eat for once"

I was taken slightly aback by his words, he was giving up his food privileges for a kid he hardly knew. I couldn't imagine myself doing that, not in this world where you take what you can get your hands on.

"I should ah get back to work" he said, standing. He squeezed Carl's hand before walking out.

I sat in the chair that was previously occupied by Anthony and stared at the boy in front of me. Although he looked malnourished and injured there was something about him that was different.

He just looked so calm, his face was usually twisted with anger or worry for the ones he loves. But lying in front of me he just looked like a sixteen-year-old boy, a boy who hadn't seen the true horrors of the world, a boy who hadn't watched everything and everyone he loved die, a boy who hadn't almost been raped.

I was ripped from my thoughts as Carl started to twitch, sweat beaded his forehead and his face contorted into his usual look of pain.

He was having a nightmare.

I watched as the boy thrashed on the table "mom" he uttered "mom look at me keep your eyes open" I leaned in curiously listening to the boy's words.

"You don't have to do this…I love you too" tears started to fall from his eye

"Stop! You're killing her!" he cried out, eventually I had to hold his shoulders down to stop him from falling off the table.

After a while he calmed down and uttered "I have to she's my mom" before his face softened once again and he went still.

A few seconds later his eye slowly fluttered open and he stared up at me. His eye was full of fear, of vulnerability something I thought I'd never see on this child warrior.

At least until he realized who he was looking at, and in an instant the fear was gone like it had never been there in the first place.

He started to struggle, no doubt remembering what happened with Douglas. He sat up trying to pull himself away from me but I held his shoulders. He kicked and flailed trying in vein to get away from.

"Let me go!"

"Not until you calm down and stop fighting me"

"I'll never stop fighting you, you asshole. You took me from my dad! You killed Abraham! I hate you!"

He fought to get away from me for a few more minutes before he started to calm down breathing hard from all his struggling.

I stood for a few minutes holding his shoulders as he panted, I thought the fight was over when a cracked sob broke the silence.

Carl started to tremble, tears started pouring from his eye as his body racked with sobs.

I didn't know what to do the only other time I had seen Carl this vulnerable was when Douglas was touching him. I didn't think the boy was even capable of crying anymore, of showing emotion from how hardened he was.

After what seemed like forever his sobbing turned to soft crying he started to relax and eventually went limp again having cried himself to sleep.

I laid the boy back down on the table gently, I sat in the chair beside him and waited for him to wake up again

…

I had been staring at the picture of the woman who was no doubt Carl's mother for about twenty minutes before I heard a hiss.

I looked up at the table to see Carl lift his hand to his head, hissing in pain.

"Don't"

His head immediately snapped up in my direction his eyes wide.

"You probably have a concussion best not to touch it"

The boy stared at me for a moment with his one icy blue eye, he observed me with a hint of anger, I could tell he wanted to kill me. He had tried when we had first gotten here. He knew he would've died if he shot me, my men would've killed him without hesitation. But his thirst for vengeance and his hatred of me was worth it to him.

I felt a slight twist in my stomach but quickly pushed it away, what do I care what some preteen thinks of me.

I lifted his hat making his eyes widen a little more.

"Did your dad give this to you?"

He looked down and silently nodded. I lifted the picture and his head snapped up again.

"What was her name?" I asked curiously

"None of your damn business" he hissed coldly

"She died didn't she?"

The boy flinched but his surprised look turned to one of anger.

"Was your dad there when she died?"

"Shut up" he said in a silent but dangerous tone

"Why didn't he save her?"

"Shut up!" his anger boiled over, and for a second I knew I crossed the line but there was no going back now. A smile stretched across my face I knew I hurt the kid and I may have even regretted it, but for some reason, I found I just couldn't stop myself.

"You had to shoot her didn't you, cause daddy sheriff was too much of a coward"

"If anyone's a coward its you"

"Is that so?" I leaned in making the kid flinch but he spoke his mind nonetheless

"You don't know the first thing about sacrifice, about loving someone so much you'd do anything for them. You don't have a family, a wife that actually loves you, something to live for. All you have are these walls and a baseball bat"

I only smiled at his words. Sure the kid had intended to hurt me but I honestly couldn't find it in myself to care.

"What you think your dad's so much better?" I asked

"He doesn't beat people's brains in with a baseball bat"

"Maybe not but last time I checked he killed everyone of my men in one of my bases"

Carl looked down "he does what he has to, to keep us alive, to keep Alexandria safe. But everything you do is for your own selfish needs, my dads a killer because he has to be, but you, you choose to be"

I was now standing next to the table only a couple inches from the boy, who looked right back defiantly.

I broke into a grin at the kid's poker face "you're a fire cracker aren't ya"

"Screw you"

I leaned down until we were face-to-face "do you really believe your dad will win?"

"He always does, you're just like the rest of them, The governer, Joe, terminus, Pete, the wolves. Your just another murderer"

I couldn't help but admire the kid's faith in his father. I placed a hand on my chin and thought about the names he had listed off, of the many groups and enemies they've come across.

"What makes you think I'm like the rest of them, that I'm not gonna be the one person he cant stop?"

"Because you walk around like nothing and nobody means anything, you kill people with a smile, like you aren't destroying someone's life. But one of these days there's gonna be someone stronger, with a bigger army and a better cause."

I put the boys hat on his head "maybe one day but it sure as hell ain't today."

 **A/N: please leave a suggestion of where you think this story should go cause I'm not a 100% sure :)**


	6. Chapter 6: revelations

**I'm going to start putting the person's name before their POV so you know who's narrating:)**

Carl

"Does you're head hurt?"

I sighed having heard this question more times than I could count from the young man in the past few days.

Anthony's eyes fell to my neck where the hickey Douglas had given me was. Every now and then when we would talk he would glance at the bruise on my neck with guilt written all over his face.

"I'm fine Anthony, stop worrying" I said as I pulled up the collar of my flannel covering the bruise.

"It was my fault"

I dropped my cards exasperated with him never failing to blame himself.

"I should've been on guard, I should've stopped him" he continued, his head down.

I looked over at him from my place on the mattress in the stone room, where Negan had no hesitation to put me back in after my days in the infirmary.

"Can we just forget about it please" I said dismissively

He nodded, everyday he had brought it up, and everyday I asked him to drop it. He always did, he never pushed me to talk about it. I was grateful for that, that he treated me normal, like that scared little kid under a rapist's grip never existed.

I smiled at him and shuffled the cards. We played for almost an hour when Anthony jumped to his feet a ridiculous grin on his face at having finally beaten me since my arrival. The young man whooped and started to do a victory dance that consisted of dance moves unknown to the human eye.

I laughed as he danced with a complete lack of talent. He started to laugh soon after, sitting back on the ground in front of me.

For a moment I was able to forget, forget that the world was dead along with too many of the people I cared about, that I was kidnapped by a psychopath or that I had been violated only a few days prior. Right then we were just normal, we were just two teenage boys laughing.

And then the world came crashing in again. The door creaked open and a man stepped in.

He had curly dark brown hair and a well-trimmed beard. He wore cowboy boots and had an empty holster strapped to his belt, a holster that held a colt python for more years than I could count.

Our laughing immediately stopped. I could only imagine how wide my eye had gone. I jumped to my feet and ran to him, my face stretching with the biggest smile since I got here

"Dad!" I wrapped my arms around him practically shaking with excitement.

"I missed you so much"

I couldn't believe he was here, that I was actually hugging him, I was sure a fight would ensue between our two groups before Negan gave me back.

"What are you doing here?" I asked, a smile still plastered on my face.

"They let me come visit you" he said a smile on his face as well.

I was slightly disappointed that I wouldn't be getting out of here yet, but right now all I cared about was that he was here.

Anthony stood clearing his throat "I should probably go" he said awkwardly making his way to the door.

Once he had stepped out dad looked down at me with a questioning look.

"His names Anthony, he's my friend" dad raised his eyebrows at my words probably surprised I had become friends with a savior.

Then his eyes dropped to my neck, I followed his gaze to see that the collar of my flannel had fallen back into place revealing the hickey Douglas had given me.

My gut twisted as dad's face expressions changed from confusion, to realization, to anger.

"Who did this to you?" he asked through clenched teeth, his anger more than obvious "was it him?" dad pointed to where Anthony had disappeared through the door.

"No, no it wasn't him"

Dad leaned down in front of me "who did this to you Carl?" his voice was firm and anger ridden.

"I-it was one of Negan's men" my cheeks started to heat up as I bowed my head not wanting to look my father in the eyes.

"What happened Carl?"

"H-he, he" tears started to roll down my cheek. It was harder to talk about than I thought, I just couldn't tell him, it would break him, he would never look at me the same.

I looked into his eyes, his dull blue rivers of pain and even more tears fell. Dad had ripped Joe's throat out to make sure that man kept his hands off me, to make sure I wasn't violated the way I had been only a few day's ago, but now it was all in vein.

Dad pulled me into another hug as he saw the tears running down my face."shh, it's okay" he cooed, as I cried into his shoulder.

But I knew it wasn't okay, I had to tell him, I couldn't keep it from him, besides if I didn't tell him Negan probably would.

"H-he t-touched me" dad immediately pulled away. holding my shoulders he looked into my eyes, the most pained look I had ever seen on his face. For a moment his expression held nothing but sorrow and grief, but it quickly slipped away into anger.

"Who was it, what's his name" dad asked through clenched teeth once again.

He turned and headed for the door seething with anger, probably to confront Negan and demand who the man was.

I quickly grabbed his wrist to stop him from doing something stupid.

"Dad stop, he's dead, Negan killed him"

He immediately turned, a surprised look on his face, probably because the man who had kidnapped me had also protected me. Negan just keeps getting harder to figure out.

He looked down at me and rubbed my tears away with his thumb. He pulled me into another hug and rubbed my back soothingly. It was obvious he was trying to keep his anger contained for my sake but I didn't mind, right now I just needed my dad.

"I'm so sorry Carl, I'm so sorry"

Rick

My fingernails dug into the leather of the armrest. My heart was beating fast and I was vaguely aware that I was slightly shaking with anger.

The moment I had left Carl's room I had burst into tears. The thought of some perverted man with his hands on my son's body was too much. I had hoped with everything inside of me that this would never happen, that Carl would never be subjected to how horrible people could be, how cruel and merciless someone would become when they wanted something from you.

My anger almost boiled over as Negan walked into the office I was seated in. he sat at the desk in front of my chair with Lucille over his shoulder and a smug look on his face. I wanted to rip his head off.

"How'd your visit with Carl go?" He asked casually, his face expression remaining the same.

"He told me what happened" I snapped, almost cutting him off.

Negan sighed, his smug look faltered "yes there was an incident with one of my men a few days ago"

"An incident?" I hissed my anger getting the better of me "my son was molested! By one of your men!"

Negan didn't even flinch at my outburst. He simply stared at me waiting for me to continue as though I was a child he was putting up with.

"Just tell me how to end this, just tell me how to get him back" my tone was a slightly calmer but the anger was still there. I was sick of Negan's games I just wanted my son.

Negan leaned forward his expression now blank "about that Rick I've made some changes to our little arrangement."

"What do you mean?"

"Look I give you Carl back and who knows what can happen, maybe you and hilltop will gain a little confidence" he narrowed his eyes at me.

"Give me my son and its over, we work for you and that's the end of it"

"No rick, I know people like you. You wont give up. You'll always fight. But you have things to love witch means you have things to lose"

My gut twisted, I knew what he was getting at and it scared me more than anything.

"What are you trying to say?"

"Carl is going to live here"

I jumped to my feet anger boiling inside me, he was the only thing I had left and I wasn't going to lose him to this psychopath.

"Like hell he is, you said you would give him back, that this was temporary!"

"Well not anymore, he's staying here. Don't worry he'll be fed, I'll give him clothes, his own room, he'll be safe."

"Like he was when that man was touching him?" I growled.

"Douglas was an animal and he was put down like one, and if anyone tries that again they'll be treated the same." Negan said without a hint of deceit, it was obvious that if it came down to it he would protect Carl, witch I still couldn't figure out.

"You can't do this, you can't take my son from me!"

Negan stood making me feel like a meager building to a skyscraper. "You're not the one in control here Rick, the boy stays"

My world felt like it was falling apart, he was going to keep Carl and there was nothing I could do about it, I was standing in his office, in his fortress, He was carrying a bat that could kill me just as fast and mercilessly it did anyone else who didn't listen. He was in control.

"You'll be able to visit anytime you'd like, but he doesn't leave this compound, I'm sorry Rick but this is just the way things have got to be."

My anger was finally boiling over, maybe he had a fortress, an army, Carl but not for long.

"You thought I was gonna start a war before, well get ready cause you've definitely got one now."

 **A/N: please leave suggestions and let me know if you would like me to put responses to your reviews:)**


	7. Chapter 7: memories

**So I've decided to put my responses to your reviews, these are for the reviews from chapters one through six:)**

 **Blackenedsoul – thank you!**

 **Treehugger – thank you for your support**

 **Persona78 – yea I really like Anthony I just thought after being such a loner for all these years Carl finally deserved a friend:) and sorry about the cliffhanger**

 **Guest – thank you I know it pains me what Carl goes through but it helps him grow:)**

 **Treehugger – thank you for sticking around and encouraging me:)**

 **Joejilly90 – yes I also love Carl's character and hope he sticks around forever. And Carl and Negan's relationship is amazing, and I loved the way they interacted with each other in the comics and how incredibly dynamic their relationship was. Thank you and that sounds like a very good idea for the future:)**

 **Popper48 – glad you liked it:)**

 **Sultan – thank you:)**

 **Treehugger- Thank you once again for always making me blush. I also love their relationship:) and that sounds like an awesome idea and hope to incorporate into my story soon:)**

 **Guest – I love his creepiness as well:)**

 **GMlover8 – thank you for your suggestion and I'm hoping to incorporate as many ideas into my story as I can.**

 **Igloo123 – I will definitely consider it and find a way to put it in thanks for your suggestion:)**

 **Duckiemomo – thank you so much I freaked when I saw your review because I love your Carl/Daryl story so much once again thank you and I hope you stick around:)**

 **Guest – I know but it makes him all the more interesting and dynamic:)**

 **Treehugger – thank you again for your kind words and for being such a faithful reader, your awesome:)**

 **And I know I don't say it enough but thank you for everything you guys are so awesome and supportive:)**

Carl

I pressed my back against the wall as the ear splitting screams pierced through the air once again.

I looked through the door that was slightly ajar. A man was sitting in a wooden chair with his hands duck taped to the armrests and his legs bound the same way to the legs of the chair.

His hair was matted with sweat and blood, his face held a terrified look, a look that made a chill run down my spine. Bruises littered his face along with cuts and gashes that marred his rough and horribly scarred skin.

He screamed once again as the savior that stood in front of him ran a blade across his arm, he trembled as crimson lines ran down his arm that held more lacerations than I could count.

"Having fun yet?" the savior asked with a smirk

"Do what you want to me, it doesn't matter, not anymore" the man's voice was so broken, so hopeless.

I let out a small yelp as a large hand wrapped around my arm and pulled me to my feet.

Negan stood in front of me wearing his signature black leather jacket along with an angry look.

"What the hell do you think you're doing?" he said as he shook my shoulders.

"I was just looking around, who is he?"

"None of your business" Negan said dismissively as he started pulling me back towards my room with a firm grip on my arm.

"What did he do, why is he here?" I asked curiously as we made our way across the catwalk

"He's a part of a group that wouldn't listen, now he's paying for it"

"What did they do?"

"No more questions"

"What are you guys going to do to him?"

"I said no more questions" Negan gave me a glare telling me I should probably stop. Witch he full well should've known I wouldn't.

"Well maybe I wouldn't ask questions if I didn't have to live here"

"Well you do so get over it and shut up about it"

"Yeah well doesn't mean I have to be happy about it"

Negan turned around an annoyed look on his face and I knew I had gotten him mad. He grabbed my shoulders and looked me in the eyes "I don't give a shit if you're unhappy, because how you feel doesn't matter, you're just a bargaining chip, a walking talking bargaining chip, so be as unhappy as you fucking want and shut the fuck up about it." He said in a stern voice.

I visibly bristled, I never really cared how Negan felt about me but no one had ever said something like that to me, no one ever made me feel so unimportant as I did at that moment. And before I knew what I was doing, I made a big mistake.

I spit in Negan's face with as much hatred as I could muster "Fuck you!"

Negan wiped the spit from his face with an angry look that marred his usually optimistic filled expression.

His hand tightened around my arm hard enough to bruise, and he wheeled around and dragged me to my room faster than he previously had been.

He swung the door open to the room he had given me. It wasn't anything special. A mattress on a wooden bed frame stood in the corner with nothing but a small pillow and a thin sheet. A closet on the opposite wall held a few t-shirts, plaid shirts and jeans Negan had given me along with a pair of sneakers, I wore the shirts and jeans but kept on the brown hiking boots dad had brought back on a run for me a couple months ago.

The walls were just plain white without a stain, it was a little better than the dirty stonewalls of the previous room, but it still felt like just as much of a prison.

Negan pushed me onto the bed pretty forcefully causing me to hit my head on the headboard. I winced and reached to the back of my head when I looked at my hand it was red, my eyebrows scrunched in confusion. I hadn't hit my head hard enough to be bleeding, and my hand wasn't wet or sticky with blood but yet there it was.

Negan closed the door still inside, but when I looked up it wasn't Negan, it was a man with a buzz-cut and yellow teeth who looked at me like I was dinner.

He walked towards me and my heart beat faster than it should have.

 _Wouldn't want anyone to hear us now would we._

Tears started to fall from my eye.

 _Be a good boy and I'll go gentle._

All my breath was gone and for some reason I just couldn't fill my lungs.

 _Don't cry. It won't be that bad, you might even like it._

Someone grabbed my arm and it was happening all over again, I was being violated, an innocence I didn't even know I had was being taken, I was at the mercy of a monster.

I started to kick as someone pinned me to the bed. My eye grew wide, even more tears started to fall and I was hyperventilating, my heart was beating so fast I was sure it was going to rip it's way out of my chest.

"No, please don't!" I cried

Someone was saying something but I didn't hear it, all I could hear was _him_ telling me to be quiet, all I could feel was _him_ pinning me to that pole.

My vision was blurry but I could still make out the shape of a man hovering over me and then there was another. Then I was being carried, someone was trying to tell me something but everything was already fading away.

…

 _Cans rustled and clanked against each other as they hung on the string that was attached to the sticks that lined our camp._

 _Kids I didn't know chased each other laughing as they played tag. I sat crisscross on the dirt ground in front of mom's camping chair._

" _Baby the longer you fidget the more it takes so don't okay," she said adjusting my head._

" _I'm trying" I whined._

" _Well try harder"_

 _Shane sat in front of me with a smile "you think this is bad, wait till you start shaving, it stinks, when the day comes you'll be whishin for one of ya momma's haircuts"_

" _I'll believe that when I see it," I said like the stubborn little kid I was._

" _I'll tell you what just get through this and come tomorrow I'll teach ya something special…I'll teach ya to catch frogs" he said as he checked his gun._

" _I've caught a frog before" I said not particularly interested in learning his frog catching methods._

" _Frogs, plural, it is an art my friend it is not to be taken lightly" he started cleaning his gun._

" _There are ways and means few people know about and I'm willin to share ma secrets," he continued with a smile._

 _I looked back at my mom like the clueless kid I was wondering if he was telling the truth._

" _Oh I'm a girl you talk to him," she said as she turned my head back around_

" _It's a one time offer bud, not to be repeated"_

" _Why do we need frogs…Plural?" I asked_

" _Ever eat frog legs-"_

" _Ewww," I said cringing at the thought of eating slimy frog legs._

" _No yum"_

" _No he's right ew," mom interjected_

 _Shane gave a light chuckle "when we get down to that last can of beans you're gonna be lovin those frog legs lady" he started talking in a mocking lady's voice_

" _See now ah Shane do you think I could get a helping ah please just one" he said with a smile at my mom._

" _Yeah I doubt that"_

" _Don't listen to her man you and me we'll be heroes, we'll feed these folks Cajun-style kermit legs"_

" _I would rather eat miss piggy" she looked up as she smiled, I should've seen it back then, the way they looked at each other "and yes I know that came out wrong"_

" _Heroes son, spoken of in song and legend you and me, Shane and Carl"_

 _All of a sudden there was the sound of a car alarm coming towards us. Shane got up to talk to Dale who was looking through binoculars at the oncoming car that was causing all this commotion._

 _The red expensive looking car came to a stop at the camp. Everyone watched as Glenn stepped out of the car, a ridiculous grin on his face._

 _Shane, Dale and Amy started arguing with Glenn about all the noise he was making._

 _Just as they finished arguing a movers truck pulled up, when it stopped the back slid open and Andrea came out, she ran to her sister and embraced her, practically crying._

 _My stomach twisted. I was happy for Amy and Andrea but at the same time I couldn't help but feel jealous, jealous that Andrea came back and dad didn't._

 _Mom held onto my shoulders trying to comfort me as tears started to fall. I wanted dad, I wanted him to hug me, to tell me everything was going to be okay, that the world wasn't over. But he wasn't, he was dead. My dad, the person I looked up to, he was gone._

 _I had just finished that thought when a man stepped out of the movers truck. He wore a sheriff's uniform, his curly black hair was tamed, he wore cowboy boots and had a holster strapped to his belt, a holster that held a colt python for more years than I could count._

 _A smile stretched across my face, the biggest one since I had gotten there._

" _Dad! Dad!" I ran to him, he wrapped his arms around me, crying just as much as I was._

 _He carried me over to mom and embraced her as well._

 _We were together, we were alive and everything was going to be okay._

…

The first thing I heard was a groan, my groan. My eyes fluttered open to a white ceiling.

"You're awake"

I looked beside me to see Negan sitting in a chair against the wall across from my bed. He had an unreadable look on his face.

"What happened?" I asked looking around I was still in my room.

"You had a panic attack, nurse says its PTSD or something, Anthony took you to the infirmary but since there was nothing wrong with you we brought you back." He was staring at me his face still exposing nothing about what he was thinking.

"Look" he started "sometimes its easy to forget that you're still just a kid, what happened with Douglas, I-I get it if you're not over it yet"

"I'm fine and I'm not a kid"

"You didn't seem fine earlier," he said raising his eyebrows.

"What do you care, I'm just a bargaining chip, a walking talking bargaining chip" I said coldly.

Negan sighed staring at me with an unsettling look "me and my men were going on a run tomorrow, that man that you saw earlier, were going to go talk to his group…I want you to come"

I stared at him wide eyed. At first he hardly let me ask a question now he was letting me in on the whole thing.

"Why?"

"I know you don't like it here you can get some fresh air, besides you can see how things work, how we negotiate."

"I don't want to go watch you beat someone's brains in"

"Believe it or not that's not my only negotiation method"

"It sure seemed like it when you killed Abraham" I said looking him in the eyes refusing to hide my anger for what this man put us through.

"Look I can't change what I did and in this new world there's no room for regret, you'll learn that soon enough"

"I'm not gonna be here forever you know, this isn't my home, and I'm not learning anything from you"

"Well until you do get back home," he said looking at me doubtfully "we might as well get along, starting with this run"

"Will Anthony be there?" It would feel a little more comfortable knowing that there would be at least one person going who didn't hate my dad and I.

"Yes he will"

I sighed it didn't exactly sound thrilling but anything would be better than being stuck here, being stuck in the memories of what happened.

"Fine I'll go."

 **A/N: as always please leaves suggestions as to where you think this story should go, I'll try to fit as many as I can and thank you so much for taking the time to read. P.S. I have this huge project I have to finish by Tuesday or my professor will kill me so sorry if the next one takes a while:)**


	8. Chapter 8: consequences

**I know I said it would be a while till the next update but I already had this finished and decided what the heck. Sorry if I'm kinda rushing things with this chapter but I just really want to get this storyline going:)**

 **Treehugger-thank you, Anthony is about twenty-three and I do plan on revealing a little of both Anthony and Negan's past witch I'm really excited for:)**

 **LawJ80-Thank you for your support:)**

 **As always thanks for reading:)**

Negan

Dwight sat in the passengers seat besides me with that rednecks crossbow in his lap. Anthony and Carl sat in the back seat. We were driving in a green jeep on our way to talk to Rogers group, who refused to accept our deal even after I beat another man's brains in.

Their leader Miguel was stubborn. I had known the man for years, before either of us even had a group. He thought because we had a past that he wouldn't be one of the groups we forced to trade with us, but he was wrong.

We pulled up to a high school, Miguel's base. We stepped out of the jeep and approached the school. Carl looked a bit miffed probably because I hadn't allowed him to carry a gun. But Anthony nudged him on the shoulder and told him a joke I couldn't hear, but Carl laughed and his expression wasn't so mad anymore. Anthony always seemed to be able to make him feel better and I always seemed to make him feel bad.

I felt a slight twist in my stomach but pushed it away and looked away from the two young men and back towards the school as we walked in.

The moment we stepped inside Carl's face was filled with wonder, and I realized that if the world hadn't ended the boy would be in high school, but he probably hadn't even made it to middle school before everything went to shit.

He stared in awe at the lockers and the open classroom doors, but instead of desks in the classrooms there were beds, dressers and other furniture that would go in a bedroom.

"You know" Anthony said to Carl "you'd be a sophomore right now"

"What's a sophomore?" Carl asked curiously.

"Oh its great bud, its your second year in high school, it was awesome for me nothing but girls, parties and beer"

Carl smirked but there was a sad look on his face probably because he had never gotten that, he probably had never been to an actual party or had friends that he didn't watch die.

We walked down the halls till we got to the front office, where Miguel did all his business. I knocked on the door.

"Come in" a mans deep voice called

We walked in and Carl's mouth dropped open. There were four different sections in the office. In one corner people were cleaning and checking guns, in another men filled bullet shells with gunpowder and others put the good bullets into boxes, in another corner people sorted weapons like knives and spears.

In the middle of the office stood Miguel who was talking to one of his men about ammo and making sure all the guns are accounted for.

When he saw us a smile stretched across his face and he waved away the man he was talking to. Miguel was a rather tall lean man with a well shaven beard and salt and pepper hair combed to one side.

"Ah you're finally here nice to see you again," the man said

"Yea yeah I'm not in the mood for your bullshit Miguel, have you accepted the deal or not?"

The man chuckled "no need to be so hostile Negan not with everything we've been through" With that his eyes fell on Carl.

"Who's this?" the man asked curiously staring at Carl.

"None of your business" I answered quickly, Miguel loved finding things to use to his advantage and Carl would be no different.

Miguel ignored me and stepped forward until he was in front of the boy. I placed Lucille on the man's shoulder letting him know that if he tried something he'd be sorry.

"No need to get so wound up Negan I'm just trying to be friendly" he turned back to Carl "what's your name kid?"

Carl looked over at me and I nodded letting him know that it was okay to answer, Miguel obviously wasn't going to let it go.

"C-Carl"

"Nice to meet you Carl I'm Miguel"

Carl gulped as the man leaned in examining the teen from head to toe.

"You know you remind me of someone I used to know" Miguel looked over at me "his name was Joshua"

I felt a sharp pain in my chest at the name that I hadn't heard in years, a name that haunted me.

"Enough" I said " we're here for business, do you accept the deal or not?"

The man stepped away from Carl but kept his eyes on the teen.

"We accept the deal, our man for weapons and ammo," Miguel said with a smile, but I knew it wasn't that simple he wanted something, he always does.

"You guys start loading up the stuff we'll get Roger" I said prompting Anthony, Dwight and Carl to spread out and grab what we needed.

Miguel and I walked down the halls and towards the entrance.

"He looks just like him," Miguel said as we walked

"I know" he didn't have to say who he was talking about.

"Who is he?"

"Some group leaders kid, guy was a real ass hat I needed something to hold against him"

"Is that really why you took him?"

I gave him a glare and walked passed him ignoring his question, he knew how I felt about him bringing up Joshua. It had been a while but the thought of him still hurt.

…

We rode in silence down the dirt road back towards the base. It was already dark out by the time we had gotten everything into the two jeeps.

"Who's Joshua?" Carl asked all of a sudden

"No one you need to know about"

I could tell he wanted to ask more but I gave him a glare and he stayed silent.

We rode for a few more minutes when the jeep started to slow and eventually came to a stop with a thudding sound. I turned the key in the ignition but the engine just whirred without starting.

"Fuck there's something wrong with the engine" I said

Anthony, Dwight and I exited the jeep to see what was wrong. The jeep behind us stopped too.

"Something wrong boss?" one of my saviours called from the other jeep

"Nah probably just the engine it's not a big deal"

The man stepped out of the jeep "do you thi-" the man was cut off as a bullet burst through his skull with a spray of blood, he crumpled to the floor.

There was a yelp behind me and I turned to see Dwight fall to the ground with a bullet hole in his head. Carl stepped out of the jeep.

"What's going o-"

A bullet hit Anthony in the stomach and he collapsed clutching his abdomen.

"Anthony!" Carl ran to his side.

I started towards the jeep for Lucille.

"Don't!" a man's deep voice called.

Men started emerging from the tree lines on both sides of the road each of them holding a gun, they surrounded the three of us that were left.

Once we were surrounded and a man took Lucille from the jeep Miguel stepped out of the trees with his arms up

"You should've saw this coming Negan," he said with a smile

I growled but he simply smirked and made his way over to where Carl was kneeling besides Anthony, who was moaning in pain as blood seeped through his fingers and pooled around him.

Miguel grabbed Carl's arm and lifted him to his feet. The man grabbed the boys face with a smile.

"Were gonna have fun with you" the man smiled as Carl's eye went wide.

Two men held my arms behind my back as Miguel dragged Carl to the middle of the road in front of me.

"After everything you thought you could threaten me, you thought you could take from me, you're not the man I remember Negan" he said as he wrapped an arm around Carl's shoulders, the boy kicked as the man leaned down next to his face

"The resemblance is uncanny for a second I thought it was actually him, that Joshua was back, despite the eye they could be twins" Miguel stroked Carl's cheek as the boy squirmed to get away from him.

"We made a deal," I said without emotion I wasn't going to give him the satisfaction of knowing he had bested me.

"Everything was fine, we were all living in peace until you walked in like you owned the place and beat one of my men's brains in! And for that you're gonna pay starting with him" he said as he pulled Carl closer.

"Hurt him and I'll kill you," I said in a dangerously calm voice.

Miguel broke into a grin "we'll see"

A man behind me started tying my hands behind my back with a zip tie, Miguel started doing the same to Carl.

Once they were done a gun was pressed against my back "start moving" the man behind me said, a gun was also pressed to Carl's back, but the boy looked over at Anthony who was still lying on the ground loosing a fatal amount of blood.

"Don't worry kid" Miguel said "He'll die soon enough"

Carl gave him a glare but started walking with his head down, there was nothing we could do for him, Miguel wouldn't waste the amount of medical supplies it would take for Anthony to make a full recovery.

Miguel's men led us back to the school, leaving behind a dying Anthony.

 **A/N: am I rushing things cause I feel like I am its just with the threat of this new group Negan's past comes up a bit and I'm anxious to get to it, let me know if I'm going to fast and I'll replace this chapter with them getting there:)**


	9. Chapter 9: a lonely road

**Treehugger-thanks I honestly thought I was rushing it. And you are welcome there will be more of Negan's past, it is weird imagining him in high school, every time I think of him I see a one eyed badass with a cowboy hat imagine that walking down the halls of a high school:)**

 **Guest-hahaha yes he does**

 **Poppy01-thank you! I totally agree**

 **Guest-yes he is a badass:)**

 **LawJ80-thank you! I love their bond as well and thanks for reading:)**

 **Guest-thank you hope you stay tuned:)**

 **I'm going to start updating more frequently cause now that I've started this storyline I'm writing like a mad man:)**

Negan

They pushed us threw the doors of the school and led us down the halls till we came to the front office.

Carl and I sat in two chairs in front of Miguel's desk with our hands tied behind our backs and two guards standing behind us, guns at the ready. He sat there for a few minutes just staring at us, before he finally let out a breath and grinned.

"What it is it about him Negan? Is it because he looks like joshua? Or maybe you just have a thing for teenagers."

I growled at his implication, but he only chuckled and walked around to the front of his desk.

"What to do with you? The kid could come in handy," he said giving Carl a disturbing look making the boy shudder.

"This has nothing to do with him, leave him out of this"

"You see" Miguel said as he walked over to Carl "That is exactly why I cant, I still can't figure out why" he grabbed Carl's chin firmly and forced the boy to meet his gaze " but you care what happens to him" Miguel once again stroked the boys cheek, Carl struggled to pry himself from the man's grip.

Miguel let go and turned to me I was relieved he had left Carl alone but only for a moment.

"And that's what I've been waiting for" with that Miguel backhanded Carl across the cheek, the boy's head snapped to the side with a yelp.

I kept a stony face, he's doing this because he thinks I care about Carl but I wasn't going to confirm it.

Carl straightened with clenched teeth enduring the blow, Miguel looked down at him with a slightly impressed look.

"Tough one, aren't we? Well not for long when I'm done with you, you'll be a trembling, crying little boy," Miguel said as he grabbed Carl's arm and lifted him to his feet.

"Take Negan to the cell, I'll take the boy to the nurses office"

"What are you going to do with us?" I asked

"To you nothing, but to him" he said shaking Carl's arm in his grip "everything" he purred with a maniacal smile.

Carl's eye was wide with fear and I didn't blame him, although I could never imagine Miguel doing that to a kid, not after what happened with Joshua.

Miguel left the office dragging Carl behind him and down the hall to where I presumed the nurses office was, if I were to find a way out of here I'd need to find him fast.

The two guards each grabbed one of my arms and led me down the halls till we stopped at a classroom that had been transformed into a cell, the walls had stone bricks over them and the door had been replaced with a metal barred cell door.

They pushed me inside locking the door behind me. One of them grinned through the cell door.

"That kid looked like quite the prize, just wait till I get my hands on him." The guard walked away with the other talking about the fun time they're going to have with Carl.

I slid down the wall of the cell, Carl's stuck here with these monsters. I've got to get him out of here, Rick is already contemplating war if he finds out about this he'll stop at nothing to save the boy.

I need to escape. I need to save Carl

Anthony

Pain, that was the first and only thing I could feel, pain like nothing I had ever felt before. My eyes fluttered open to a pitch-black sky with twinkling dots splattered across it.

I looked down, if I had the energy I would've at least winced at my red stained hands or the blood steadily flowing from the hole in my stomach but all I could do was stare at it.

I looked around to see that I was lying on a road in front of a jeep, and it all came back, Carl, they took Carl and Negan. My eyes widened at the realization. I couldn't let them hurt Carl.

I propped myself up on my elbow and immediately regretted it, pain was coursing through my body, like I was being poked with a million needles sparing not an inch of skin. I squeezed my eyes shut.

"I can't do it," I groaned to myself.

 _You have to get up_

"It hurts"

 _You have to save Carl_

"There's nothing I can do, I can't even stand up, I can't fight for him"

 _No but you know who can, you have to get up_

I opened my eyes to see him standing over me, he wore a baby blue shirt and jeans, his light brown hair almost as untamed as Carl's, his eyes were hazel like mom and I. He's short the average height for a ten year old.

"Charlie" I croaked

 _You have to get to Alexandria, it's the only way to save him._

"How am I supposed to get there, I don't know the way"

 _You saw the map, even if only for a few seconds just follow me._

"You're dead"

 _You have to start walking Anthony_

"Get out of my head" I muttered

 _We've had this conversation before, not until you stop feeling guilty_

"Just get out of my head," I said a little louder

 _You know what will happen if you don't stand up, what they'll do to him, what Douglas tried to do._

"I-I"

 _You have to stand up Anthony, for me, for Carl_

I knew I had to, if I lay here, if I let Carl die it'll never end, Charlie will never stop haunting me.

I propped myself up again but this time endured the pain. I shakily got to my feet using the car to support me.

 _Find him and you can finally say goodbye._

He started walking and so did I, feeling nothing but pain I followed my dead brother.

…

The savior stood in front of the gate, since the night of the confrontation the saviors have been guarding Alexandria. I couldn't go through the front I didn't need the saviors I needed the Alexandrians, I needed Rick.

I crept along the metal wall of the community clutching my stomach, it was a miracle I was even standing considering all the blood I've lost by now. But I need to find Rick.

"What am I supposed to do?"

 _Nothing they'll find you_

I was going to ask what he meant when I felt the cold metal of a muzzle pressed against the back of my head.

"Who are you?" a man asked from behind in a voice I didn't recognize

"I-I have to speak t-to Rick"

The man grabbed my shoulder and turned me around to reveal a redneck with long hair and a leather vest, he was the guy that was shot the night we confronted them. I looked down and sure enough there was a bandage over his shoulder.

"Who are you?" he repeated and pressed the gun to my forehead.

"I-I have to see Rick, th-they have him"

"Who do they have?" the man asked curiously

Before I knew what was happening I was doubled over in pain, my bullet wound stung probably from all the dirt it's collected since I started walking, I felt lightheaded but the redneck grabbed my shoulders and pulled me to my feet looking at my bullet wound with wide eyes.

My eyes were already rolling to the back of my head when he asked once again, "who do they have?"

"Carl" I said in barely a whisper

With that I was slung over his shoulder and everything went black.

 **A/N: as always leave suggestions I'm working on fitting some into my story right now, so if you have a suggestion don't be afraid to let me know:)**


	10. Chapter 10: the way things are

**Hey everyone. So I am done with my staar tests and all that is left is finals and summer starts in a little over a week, meaning I will have plenty of time to write so expect frequent though not consistent updates:)**

 **LawJ80-thank you I had been dying to introduce Charlie:) thank you and I can't wait to write about it, and finally introduce Joshua:)there will be more of Rick's pov soon:)**

 **As always thank you to everyone who takes the time to read and review:)**

Carl

He pushed me into the nurses' office, a room with a small leather bed, a desk with papers, pens and pencils strewn across its wooden surface and bottles of pills on the counter.

A scene of when I was in the fifth grade flashed through my head, when I had gotten a paper cut, I had been sent to the nurses' office. The nurse smiled at me and gave me a lollipop.

Turning to Miguel I knew this wouldn't be as pleasant, if only things could be as simple as they had been then, if only the world still consisted of clumsy fifth graders and smiling nurses.

"Take your clothes off"

My eye widened at his request, Douglas' words rang through my head, I couldn't let it happen, not again.

"No"

Miguel gave an exasperated sigh "look kid we can do this the easy way or the hard way. So take your clothes, or I'll take them off for you."

His voice was calm and I had no doubt he would follow through with it. I contemplated doing what he asked, but I couldn't let it happen again, being humiliated, degraded in front of a man, a man who saw me as nothing but a prize.

"No" I said more firmly this time letting him know I wasn't going to comply.

Miguel said nothing. he walked forward and grabbed my wrist faster than I could flinch. He pulled a syringe out of his back pocket, I knew whatever was in it would make me incapable of stopping him from doing whatever he wanted with me.

He extended my arm, ready to plunge the needle into my forearm. My instincts kicked in and my fist flew. I hit him square in the jaw.

He released my wrist. I took advantage of his surprise and started for the door. I furiously pulled on the knob and my heart sank as I realized the door was locked.

Miguel grabbed my arm and pulled me to him, he wrapped an arm around my shoulders keeping my back pinned against his chest.

"Do you think I'm stupid," he hissed in my ear "you should've just listened and things could've gon-"

My elbow flew into his stomach, he let go of my shoulders and I immediately turned and kicked him in his privates, he curled in on himself and fell to the floor with a moan.

I immediately ran to the door, there was a small window on the wooden door just above the knob, I threw my fist at the window knowing that whatever Miguel had planned for me would hurt ten times worse.

It cracked. I felt a flutter of hope and threw my fist once again. My fist went through the glass creating a jagged hole in the small window, the sharp edges scraping and cutting into the skin on my hand.

I ignored the pain and broke the remaining pieces of glass. I was ready to reach through the window and unlock the door, to escape, to finally go home.

I felt a forceful push from behind and my temple slammed against the wooden door. My head bounced off the now bloodstained wood, my hat falling off in the process, and I fell backwards into Miguel's arms. He caught me and laid my limp body on the ground.

I wanted to get up, but everything was numb, my head was throbbing and I just couldn't will myself to move. Miguel sat on top of me pinning my legs not that I could move them anyways.

"You thought it would be that easy, you're tough kid I'll give you that but what Negan did to me, I don't forget things like that" he grabbed my chin and softly ran his hand along my cheek making my skin crawl but I had no strength to stop him. He reached into his back pocket and once again pulled out the syringe.

"No, please" I croaked, the strain of talking intensifying my headache.

He only smiled, grabbed my wrist and slid the needle into my arm. The drug flowed through my veins and a fog immediately rolled through my mind.

Everything blurred even more all I could see was the shape of a man above me.

"Sorry kid, this is just the way things have got to be"

His voice was a mere echo. everything was fading. I was holding on with everything I had but it wasn't enough.

The last thing I felt before succumbing to the sedative was my jean's being pulled down.

Anthony

 _I sat at the far end of the table across from him. he gave me a glare and took another swig of the whiskey that he clutched like a life line. Charlie sat beside me. He looked up at me. I could tell he was scared we both knew what was coming._

" _I got your report card," he said slurring his drunken words_

 _My stomach twisted, I always sported a few new bruises whenever dad got my report card, no matter how good or bad it was, it was never enough._

" _M-Ms. Simmons said she would help me with my grades, she says all ninth graders have a hard time getting adjusted" I stuttered_

" _I don't care what Ms. Simmons says your grades are shit, I thought I taught you better than that" he said taking another drink_

 _I gulped, I knew things were going to go south and fast._

" _I-I'm sorry"_

" _Sorry don't mean shit boy, you're fifteen and you're still as dumb as a rock"_

 _I wanted to argue to tell him he was wrong, but I learned a long time ago that all that ever got me was a belt to the back._

" _Well don't you have anything to say for yourself"_

 _I kept my mouth shut fear stirring inside me, whether I talked or not I knew what was coming. He didn't care what I did. he always found an excuse to hurt me._

 _All of a sudden his whiskey bottle was flying through the air towards me, I ducked and it smashed into the wall behind me. Showering me in shards of glass and whiskey._

 _I was grabbed, by the shoulders before I could even sit up and slammed against the same wall the whiskey bottle had met its demise._

" _You answer when I speak to you!" he yelled in my face, flecks of spit and the aroma of whiskey hitting me._

" _Y-yes sir"_

" _You know what happens when you misbehave Anthony, you have to learn your lesson" he let go off me only to unbuckle his belt and remove it from his waist._

" _Turn around" he demanded, belt in hand_

 _Charlie looked at me sadly, but I only gave him a reassuring smile. Dad never hurt Charlie only because I took all the beatings for him._

 _I always made sure that if Charlie did something bad I did something worse so that dad would forget about him and focus on me. Charlie never really did anything bad but it was all the same to our dad._

 _I slid down the wall next to the pile of glass from dads whiskey bottle careful not to cut myself, not that it really mattered at this point. I turned to face the wall and rested my forehead against it._

 _I held my breath until I felt the first whip, pain spread through my body and I clenched my teeth, holding in the scream, it only made it all the more amusing for him._

 _The belt cracked against the skin on my back over and over sending bolts of pain through every nerve in my body._

 _He whipped me until the skin on my back was raw, until Charlie had tears running down his cheeks, until everything hurt and I was sure the pain would never end._

…

My eyes fluttered open to the ceiling of a house, my eyebrows scrunched in confusion. I looked down to see I wasn't wearing my shirt, and there was a bandage on my stomach where I had been shot.

I reached down and placed my hand on the bandage _what happened._

"You passed out"

My head immediately snapped to the side, sitting beside the bed I was lying on was none other than Rick Grimes.

"Daryl found you outside the walls said you said something about Carl, he brought you here and we were able to stop the bleeding."

For a moment I was confused, but then it all came back. The ambush, following Charlie to Alexandria, that guy-Daryl-questioning me. They had taken Carl and Negan, i didn't care all that much for Negan, sure he's our leader. But he's heartless and cruel. But Carl, I couldn't let anything bad happen to him it would be like losing Charlie all over again, despite that Carl was a good person and a good friend I needed to find him.

"It was a group, they ambushed us they took Carl and Negan."

Rick leaned in a worried look on his face but also one of determination, I knew that if it came down to it he would kill as many people as he needed to get to Carl, to his son and probably the only thing he had left.

"Tell me everything."

 **A/N: as always leave suggestions for anything you would like to happen and I will try to fit it in. and if you have any questions about the story or really anything please ask:)**


	11. Chapter 11: Thank you Lucille

**I hope this didn't take too long, I've just had quite a bit on my plate and this is a considerably longer chapter it took me a lot of time and thinking, so please let me know what you think:) any who school does end in three days meaning I will have all the time in the world to write:)**

 **Treehugger-yeah I probably shoulda put a warning for that but I always forget cause I'm a dumb potato, but yeah his past is pretty harsh but like the sadistic person I am I can't wait to write more about it:) and yeah I did want to stick with Carl's character because I know he wouldn't just let some guy stick a needle in his arm without putting up a fight:) and yes I also love papa bear Rick and protective Negan:) as always thank you for the kind words and encouragement:)**

 **LawJ80-yea poor baby's, and thank you!**

 **Guest-thank you, and don't worry nothing to bad happens I made it seem a little worse than it was, and I'm also team papa bear Rick:)**

 **GMlover8-Thank you:)**

 **Sawyer02-I know right I saw some with Michonne and was infuriated because no one did one with Carl even though it made much more sense. And I can't wait to see their relationship on the show it'll be so awesome:)**

 **Thereaper56- thank you, and I was a little upset about that as well it was like it didn't even happen and it could of added a lot to Carl's character:)**

 **Guest-Me too!**

 **Worldly lover-cool suggestion, no spoilers but I'd love to add it if I can:)**

 **Lollipopfv-Thank you:)**

 **Alex- thank you and here it is!**

 **Lizzy-I know I feel bad for my poor baby's but it was get better, or will it? Jk it will…eventually at some point, maybe. Any who, protective Rick all the way!**

 **Charlotte- Thank you for taking the time to read:)**

 **As always thank you so much for the support and for taking the time to read I love you all:)**

Negan

 _He was humming a tune I hadn't heard in a while, one his mother used to sing to him when he was younger. He tapped his nimble fingers against his thigh. He wore jeans and a blue plaid shirt over a white t-shirt, his black converse that were beyond dirty tapped against the floorboard of the jeep._

" _You still remember?" I asked keeping my eyes on the road. We had been driving for days stopping only for food and gas. We had no idea where we were going, but moving was better than sitting around waiting to die._

 _He turned to me from gazing out the passenger side window and regarded me with his icy blue eyes, the boys dark brown hair was a mess and hung over his brow no matter how many times I told him to cut it or at least brush it, and his skin was pale making his blue eyes and rosy cheeks pop._

" _I could never forget," he said with a small sad smile_

 _I reached over and place a comforting hand on his cheek._

" _I know," I said in return_

 _Joshua bowed his head, his smile disappearing._

" _Dad" he started "do you think we'll ever find anywhere safe? Do you think we'll ever stop moving?"_

" _Don't worry bud, we will" Miguel interrupted from the backseat._

 _He reached over and ruffled Joshua's dark brown hair playfully. Joshua swatted his hand away with a scowl. The boy hated it when he did that and never failed to remind Miguel even though the older man never listened._

 _I was grateful for the man's playful antics despite Joshua's protests, we had met him on the road a couple months ago. He was injured and alone when we came across him I was more than content to leave him, but Joshua had convinced me otherwise. We were cautious at first but eventually grew a liking to the optimistic man._

 _Miguel and Joshua had become great friends something the boy needed. Despite being only fourteen the boy had seen far more than he should have, he had been starting to fall apart little by little. The boy always made sure to fake a small when around me to assure me that he was okay. But after his mother died there was no faking it he simply broke._

 _At first it was little things like turning to ask her something and realizing she wasn't there, then the panic attacks started and he pushed me away claiming he was okay despite how shaken and jumpy he would get, and finally, the nightmares. On more than a few occasions I would wake to the sound of a young boy screaming for his mother. It broke my heart every time I saw him curled up and crying for her, reaching to embrace a mother who wasn't and never would be there._

 _Eventually the boy just wasn't the same, he had lost the light in his eyes, his sarcasm and stubbornness, that is until we met Miguel maybe it was because he hadn't seen anyone other than me in so long or maybe he was just in desperate need of someone, anyone, sure he had me but I knew it wasn't enough he needed a friend._

 _Eventually he had started to become his self again, I knew he would never be the same after everything he had seen, but he was my son again._

" _We'll find somewhere bud" I started "and when we do we'll finally be sa-"_

 _I slammed on the brakes, eliciting a yelp from both Joshua and Miguel._

" _Dad what's going on?" Joshua asked_

 _In front of our jeep in the middle of the road laid a body. I knew it couldn't be a walker, despite the body being covered in blood, the man's chest rose and fell, his eyes were closed but he was still breathing he must have just been unconscious._

" _Miguel stay here with Joshua" I said and stepped out of the jeep before either could argue, and grabbed my baseball bat that rested against my seat._

 _Only a few years ago Joshua and I would play basketball every Saturday morning. My lips turned up slightly at the thought, I would never wish to change my son but sometimes I find myself missing the innocent and naïve boy he was. That is before he lost everything, before he saw everything and everyone he loved die._

 _I walked towards the man, clutching my baseball bat. I stopped in front of him and nudged him with the bat, he didn't move, didn't twitch or flinch he was dead still despite the rise and fall of his chest._

 _I turned back around to the jeep where Joshua and Miguel stared at me through the windshield._

" _Guys I think everything's alri-"_

 _I took in a sharp breath as I felt the cold metal ring of a muzzle press against the back of my head._

" _Move and I'll blow your fucking brains out," The man's deep voice came from behind me and I had no doubt he would follow through with his threat._

 _The man lying on the road opened his eyes and stood dusting himself off. He gave me a grin as he pulled out his own gun._

" _Looks like you're at the wrong place at the wrong time fella"_

 _I realized to late that this was an ambush. A third man stepped out of the trees that lined the road we were standing on. He walked over to the jeep and pried the door open._

 _The moment the door opened Miguel kicked the man in the chest, the man flew backwards and hit the ground, his gun skittered across the road. Joshua climbed out of the jeep and lunged for the gun. But the man on the floor grabbed Joshua's ankle and he hit the road next to the man._

 _Miguel started towards them but the man got to his feet with an arm wrapped around Joshua's shoulders and a blade pressed to the teen's neck. Joshua squirmed and fought against the man causing a line of crimson to seep from underneath the blade. Despite the boy's struggles the man held him in a firm grip, a wicked smile spread across his face._

 _Miguel's face was twisted with anger and I knew mine was too._

" _Drop the bat," the man behind me said once he was sure no one was going to do anything stupid._

 _My knuckles tightened around the bat, at the sight of Joshua with a blade at his neck, a lump formed in my throat as I watched his blood trail down his previously white shirt. Reminding me that something so clean and pure can be corrupted, stained, changed._

 _The man holding Joshua was losing his patience, his face scrunched up in anger making the white scar that ran from his forehead to just below his eye, wrinkle and contort with his fuming expression._

" _He said drop the bat!" Yelled scar-face as he pressed the blade against Joshua's throat even tighter. The boy hissed in pain as even more blood ran down his shirt._

 _My nostrils flared and my knuckles gripped the bat even tighter before I took in a deep breath and let it go. It clattered to the ground along with all our hope._

" _Now" the man that had previously been lying on the ground started "lets have some fun."_

…

I was vaguely aware someone was kicking my leg when my eyes snapped open. The guard that had talked about all the things he would get to do to Carl, earlier stood in front of me kicking my leg.

The man wasn't very tall maybe a few inches more than Carl and his Rough face was graced with a bushy brown beard. He was wearing a smirk as I sat up and looked over at the small barred window at the top of the cell.

Rays of sunlight shone through the bars letting me know it was morning.

"Get up, Miguel wants you in the nurses' office" The man said still kicking my leg

"Is Carl there?"

"Get up" the man growled.

I sat up and reached for Lucille. My fist grasped air and I turned remembering she was no longer there.

"Where's Lucille?" I asked trying not to sound threatening but very much failing.

The man simply put the gun to my head and pressed it to my temple clearly fed up with my questions.

"I said get the hell up" He didn't yell, he simply smirked probably enjoying that he had control over me.

I stood straining to not strangle the man. He pushed me out of the cell by nudging my back with the muzzle of the machine gun he clutched.

We walked down the halls till we came to a door that had a little plaque on it letting me know this was the nurses' office.

My eyes fell on a small window on the door with a whole the size of a fist in the glass. The jagged edges of the glass around the hole had blood on it.

My stomach twisted. I had no doubt that Carl had done this probably trying to escape. The boy was brave but reckless just like…

"Open the door" The guard pressed the gun to the small of my back.

I clenched my fist and took a deep breath before placing my hand on the knob and opening the door.

The moment I stepped in my eyes landed on him and an unbelievable amount of rage built inside me, I'd felt more rage than this before but only on one other occasion, but this, this was a close second.

He laid on the leather bed in the corner of the nurses' office. He wore nothing but a baby blue hospital shirt, socks and his boxers, leaving his legs exposed. I was glad that Miguel at least had him wearing something but I knew Carl would never want this much of himself exposed to anyone.

The boy had an IV in his arm and next to the bed stood a small metal table with multiple syringes and medicine vials on it. His hand was wrapped in blood stained gauze no doubt from breaking the window.

Despite a twitch every now and then he laid still with his eyes closed, he was out cold, probably from the multitude of sedative vials that rested on the metal table.

I turned to Miguel who was sitting at a desk in the other corner of the small room. He looked up at me with a smile that dripped with contempt and victory.

I was blinded by a white-hot rage. He had no right to touch Carl, no one did. No one had any right to touch…

Before I knew what was happening I was lunging at Miguel who simply sat there still smirking, fueling my rage. I was inches away from wrapping my hands around his neck and squeezing the life out of him just for looking at Carl in the first place.

I felt a sharp blow to the back of my head and fell to the floor in a daze. The guard stood over me with the butt of his gun-which he had used to knock me down-pointed towards me.

"You son of a bitch" I seethed through clenched teeth my anger seconds away from erupting.

Miguel stood up from his desk and kneeled in front of where I laid on the floor. His eyes were full of amusement and at that moment I knew just how much he was enjoying this.

Making me furious by invoking memories of Joshua, he had put Carl in the exposing outfit on purpose knowing it would anger me. This was his plan, his game. To make me feel helpless and unable to protect someone I care about.

Wait did I care about Carl. I mean despite his uncanny resemblance to Joshua the boy was stubborn, hotheaded and reckless. But thinking about it, Joshua was, all those things too.

Those were some of the many things I admired about him, his inability to give up. His unbreakable will. No matter the circumstances he always kept fighting well at least until he lost her.

"I didn't _touch_ him if that's what you're worried about" Miguel said standing up again.

I got to my feet, my head spinning slightly from the blow, but despite my splitting headache I glared at him. I didn't have to use words to let him know what I was thinking, he knew I wanted to kill him and the only reason I hadn't in the past years since Joshua was because I didn't want to start a war between our two groups. But now that no longer mattered, despite our past Miguel was going to pay.

"Why should I believe you," I asked as the guard pulled a chair from the corner of the room and forced me to sit.

The guard tied my arms and legs to the chair as Miguel spoke, "You don't have to, it makes no difference to me"

"Yes it does, that's why I'm here isn't it. So you can watch me suffer"

Miguel smiled a big toothy grin, " you know that's what I always liked about you," Miguel walked over to the leather bed that Carl was lying on and leaned against it with his arms crossed over his chest "it never takes you long to find peoples motives it's a gift really" Miguel uncrossed his arms and let one of his hands drop to Carl's knee. "if it makes you feel any better I didn't put him in these clothes to get you mad, the kids clothes stunk, I had them taken to the laundry room," his hand trailed up Carl's leg until his hand rested on the boy's inner thigh "but I'll admit it was fun watching you get mad" His lips turned up slightly.

I growled glaring at the hand that caressed the boy's thigh, an image flashing through my mind of a boy with a terrified look on his face his eyes pleading for me to help him.

"I know what you're doing, you're making me relive what happened, except this time I can't stop it," I said glancing over at the guard who still had a hand on my shoulder and the muzzle of his machine gun pressed to the back of my head, "but I know you won't, what almost happened to him, you cared about him just as much as I did"

"You're right, I did" Miguel said nonchalantly moving his hand back to Carl's knee "and in the end neither of us could save him. But that's over now, Joshua's dead. You're here because of what you started, after everything you're still the selfish bastard I remember. You couldn't just leave us alone, leave us to live in peace, no the infamous Negan needed to prevail above all!" as he spoke his hand had moved back to carl's thigh and squeezed it tightly making the teen whimper in his sleep.

"I know you're mad at me but he's not a part of this, he doesn't need to be here"

Miguel chuckled tightening his grip on Carl even more, "you're right he doesn't. He's here cause of you, like I said you're still just as selfish as you've always be, taking an innocent boy from his father. Think of all the things he's been through since you've taken him. All those things they're on you, you put him through all that because you just couldn't move on"

Miguel had finally released the soft skin of the boys thigh leaving a large hand sized bruise on the pale skin, reminding me that something so clean and pure can be corrupted, stained, changed.

"Now" Miguel started "lets have some fun"

…

" _Dad" Joshua whimpered standing rigid against scar face with a terrified look._

" _Your daddy can't save you" the man hissed into the teens ear "but don't worry I'll take care of you" The man nipped the teens ear as he said the last part, causing the boy to shut his eyes and lean away from the mans touch._

 _I clenched my fist and unbelievable anger built inside me, an anger I hade never felt before, rage._

 _The blood-covered man who had been lying on the floor when we showed up moved over to Miguel and grabbed his arm, he dragged the fuming Miguel to stand next to me then proceeded to press his own gun to the back of Miguel's head._

" _Relax daddio and watch the show," The man behind me said into my ear._

 _The cold hand of dread wrapped around my heart as I watched scar-face throw Joshua to the ground. The boy kicked as the man climbed on top of him._

 _I felt numb unable to comprehend this feeling of rage it was like nothing I'd ever felt, sure I've been angry plenty of times but this was something else, something all consuming._

 _It felt as though there was a sword through my heart. It felt as though I was being engulfed by flames, like something was in reach, but yet it was impossible to get to._

 _Everything had turned into a blur, Miguel fuming besides me, scar-face running his hands all over Joshua's body. I looked down at my bat and remembered the feeling of something in reach but impossible to get to, the same feeling I had when I had lost her._

 _My hands clenched at my sides as I listened to Joshua yelling for me, fighting against the man trying to force himself on the boy, my boy._

 _The man behind me let out a cry of pain as my elbow connected with his nose, I was on him before he could hit the ground, I punched without mercy grinding my teeth as I listened to the crack of the mans jaw fall in sync with a desperate yell from Joshua._

 _My hand wrapped around my bat, that was in reach again, maybe she wasn't completely gone._

 _I stood to see Miguel wrestling the blood-covered man for his gun, without hesitation I swung my bat. Miguel ducked seconds before my bat met the man's skull with a sickening crack that brought a smile to my lips._

 _I turned to see scar-face not even bothering to look up, his focus solely on keeping the teen beneath him still as he tugged the boy's pants down. A growl rose in my throat and my gaze immediately fell on the barbed wire that Miguel had put on the front bumper of the jeep just in case any walkers got in our way on the road._

 _I started towards the jeep and ripped the barbed wire from the bumper ignoring the pain as the metal thorns pierced the skin on my hand causing blood to trickle down my arm._

 _I wrapped the barbed wire around my bat and secured it at the top, I admired it and how much it reminded me of her, of her deadly beauty, her sharpness and defiance, her ability to tear someone apart with nothing but a look._

 _I turned to see scar-face sitting on top of Joshua, the man had been in the process of pulling the teen's pants down when he realized what was going on. He stood clutching his knife with white knuckles, he had a scowl on his face but beneath it I could see doubt as he looked at his two companions who were currently lying on the ground moaning in pain. I paid them no mind knowing they would either run or die. All that mattered now was Joshua_

 _Scar-face once again had an arm wrapped around Joshua's shoulders and his blade pressed to the boy's neck. Joshua looked at me with a look of pure fear. I had only seen that look once before, when the world had ended._

 _Joshua had only been twelve years old when shit hit the fan, despite everything that happened and everything we had lost the boy always bounced back, always kept fighting and held that look of determination in his icy blue eyes._

 _But right now that look was no more. His blue orbs held nothing but fear, raw fear something someone so young should never feel. But as scar-face held the blade to his throat eliciting a whimper and a fresh line of crimson to seep from beneath the blade, it was all I could see. And like a twig snapping the all-consuming feeling was back and nothing mattered right now other than being able to see Joshua safe, to see that determination in his eyes and that smile on his lips._

 _And the only thing standing in my way was an insignificant life, a killer, a monster and soon to be nothing more than another dead body, one among many just like him._

 _I started towards my son and the monster standing between my son's safety and happiness. Just like every other person that hurt him, that had no regard for an innocent boy, they deserved to die they all did._

 _Before I knew what was happening I was pushing Joshua to the side, ripping him from the man's grip. The boy fell to the road with his pants still half down and tears streaming down his face. Miguel knelt besides Joshua and wrapped him in his arms as the boy sobbed into the man's shirt._

 _But I kept my focus on the man, no the monster, the killer, the rapist, the thing that deserved to die, But not just any death, a death worthy of a murderer such as himself._

 _I squeezed my bat turning my knuckles white and raised it above the mans head and right then and there, watching the man cower with Joshua's sobs ringing through my ears I knew she was there, she would always be there._

 _She always had been, she was in Joshua's smiles, in his determination, and in everything that kept him sane and alive, and at that very moment she was in my bat. And she wanted blood_

 _I brought it down with the biggest smile that ever graced my face, again and again, listening to the sickening cracks of breaking skull and squelching blood was like music to my ears. Joshua's crying seemed to fade away although I knew it was still there but right then and there this was all that mattered, the only thing that would bring me peace._

 _When it was over and all that remained of the man was a pile of guts and blood, I held her. Just as I did when I lost her. But I knew that even though she was gone she was here and she had saved him as she did many times before._

 _I rocked back and forth caressing her despite her beautiful metal thorns of vengeance, and spoke nothing but a whisper into the night, with only the dead listening,_

" _Thank you Lucille"_

 **A/N: if some of this seems repetitive that is on purpose, I'm trying to make parallels witch I'm not very good at, anyways as always please leave any suggestions or questions you may have:)**


	12. Chapter 12: Family

**I am so sorry this took longer than it should have. I'm not going to make any excuses it's purely my fault for being such a massive procrastinator. I did start a new story just because I felt I needed to focus on something else for a little while so I'm not over thinking anything.**

 **However I do need help from you guys. So I'm not too sure about what should happen next with Carl and Negan. So do you guys think they should make it out sooner rather than later or do you think they should stay there longer? Do you think they should be saved or escape on their own? If they do stay what do you think should happen to them? Please let me know in a review your suggestions could really help :)**

 **LawJ80 - Thank you for your continued support you really are awesome :)**

 **Treehugger - Thank you so much I always love reading your reviews :) and as long as people are reading I'm writing so hopefully this will go on for a while :)**

 **Guest - I know I always forget :)**

 **Wequeues – Hmm that is a big possibility but luckily he's stuck around and kept our beautiful murderer sane :)**

 **Popeye01 – I know he was mean :( in the comic books after they had finally defeated Negan Carl had wanted to kill him, but Rick refused and let him live, so there is a huge possibility that will happen in the show, which I hope it does cause Carl and Negan became really close friends :)**

 **Worldly lover – Thank you and I do hope to use it but would you mind if he hurts him emotionally rather than physically?**

 **So here it is, sorry but this is filler, yay cause we all love those! This is kinda just letting you know how things are going in Alexandria and how Ricks feeling.**

 **As always thank you for reading you guys really are awesome :)**

Anthony

 _I hissed in pain as the rubbing alcohol poured down my back making sparks of pain flare through every inch of skin on my back. I gripped the edge of the bathroom sink while holding in a cry of pain._

" _Sorry" Charlie whispered apologetically, dabbing a paper towel over the raw bleeding skin._

" _It's okay"_

" _You know you don't have to go through this, not for me."_

" _What do you mean?" I asked_

 _He sighed and dropped the paper towel, I looked at him over my shoulder to see his chastising look, "I heard you talking to Emily on the phone, about why you won't tell anyone, so that we don't end up in the system, so that I don't"_

 _I looked away from his penetrating hazel eyes. Charlie was always independent. Although I knew he was grateful that I was there, he hated being babied and absolutely loathed my overbearing need to protect him, which I could understand to an extant. But Charlie was only ten years old and I knew two white kids wouldn't survive a day in a group home in our neighborhood._

 _Although living with our dad was terrible, as long as Charlie wasn't getting hurt I could handle it. Even though our apartment was terribly dirty and small it was something and if I could just hold out till my eighteenth birthday, I could get both of us out of here._

" _Look I'm just trying to take care of you"_

" _If it means you keep getting hurt than you shouldn't"_

" _I'll always take care of you even if it kills me"_

 _I looked over my shoulder to see him glaring at me furiously, "Why did a man named odd leave his grave stone blank?"_

 _Charlie rolled his eyes and groaned, "I'm not in the mood Anthony"_

 _I gave him a look and he smiled despite himself, "Why?"_

" _So that when people pass by, they say that's odd"_

 _His smile widened and he laughed, softening his features so that he looked more like a ten year old._

 _I smiled back, despite the burn on my back of a sad life._

Michonne

Rick stood over the young man. A large worried crease was etched into his forehead as he stared at the sleeping boy. He hadn't told me much, other than the boys name was Anthony and he was Carl's friend.

I had asked about Carl, all Rick had told me was we were going to save him. He neglected to tell me how. He simply stated he was getting his son back.

I couldn't help but be worried over his behavior. Since the night we watched Abraham die and Carl get taken Rick had broken down. He wouldn't eat or sleep all he could do was talk about ways we could get Carl back. We all admonished his plans, he was being reckless, he wasn't thinking straight. All he could think of was the horrors Carl was surely facing.

Of course when one of the saviors collected him and said he was finally going to get to see Carl he was ecstatic, the happiest I had seen him since that night. I had waited at the gate until he had gotten back. All I could think about was how he was doing, if he was safe, fed. A large part of me knew that wasn't likely considering he was Negan's captive. But I stayed hopeful knowing how impossibly strong the boy was, despite everything he always bounced back, always found a way to find courage where there was none.

So of course when Rick came back with a troubled look and red eyes my heart had dropped. I led him back to our house with a soothing hand on his back. Trying not to worry about Carl, what ever had happened during his visit must've been bad if it made Rick cry.

When we had gotten to the house and I had led him to the bedroom. He finally broke and wrapped his arms around me, his head buried in the crook of my neck.

"I-it was terrible mich"

I could feel his tears on my shoulder as he shuddered in my hold. It had been worse than I thought.

Rick had told me about the small and dirty stone room they kept him in with nothing but a mattress. He told me about how thin he looked and how impossibly sad. And finally he had told me something I had hoped would never happen. About the man, what he had done to Carl, how he had touched him.

I couldn't hold in the tears after that, they silently rolled down my cheeks. I was trying hard not to imagine how terrified Carl must've been. I knew Carl always bounced back, but there was only so many times you could pretend it didn't hurt, that you weren't scarred before you finally broke.

Since then Rick had been a mess, thirsting with vengeance for what that man had done to Carl, what he had forced the boy to go through for an unseen reason. Sure he had said it was for control but at this point Rick was so terrified of what could happen to Carl he would've done anything. Negan didn't have much of a reason to keep the boy other than to spite Rick.

So when the injured and nearly dead young man had come stumbling to our gates it had been another blow for Rick to find out Carl was in the clutches of even more monsters, but it was also an opportunity. If they could get there in time they could find Carl and finally kill Negan.

And that's how we had ended up here tending to an injured boy. I sat in the corner of the room as Rick continued to stand in front of the young man waiting for him to wake up. Every time the boy had gained even a semblance of consciousness Rick had been there to question him about what he knew of where Carl was.

He hadn't gotten much other than their base was in a high school and their leaders name was Miguel. The poor kid always passed out before we could get much more than that. I didn't know the boy but I couldn't help but be worried. His bullet wound hadn't gotten much better since Daryl came carrying the half dead boy to our doorstep.

Despite Maggie having a limited knowledge of how to tend to a bullet wound, none of us were even close to a qualified doctor. And even Maggie was in need of one. After several rounds of antibiotics we were finally able to get her fever down. Even then she was still in need of medical attention. But since that night the saviors refused to let us leave Alexandria. They roamed the streets carrying guns and making kids cry like the assholes they were.

Once again another huge obstacle in our plan to get Carl back, it had been hard enough for Daryl to sneak passed the guards and get Anthony to our house. We still had no idea how we would make it out of the walls without them noticing.

I sighed trying not to think too much.

"You should get some rest," I said very well knowing he wouldn't listen.

Rick looked away from the young man and turned to me the same worried and desperate expression he's had since watching Carl get stuffed into that RV.

"I'll rest when Carl get's back home" He turned back to the young man.

Curse the Grime's and their stubbornness. No matter how lovable it was.

"Look I get it, your worried we all are"

"You don't get it"

"Yes I do, I care about him just as much as you, just as much as I cared about... Andre" Michonne winced at the name. She hadn't heard it in so long, it still hurt just thinking about him.

"I-I just want him back Mich" His voice was soft and broken.

"I know but you worrying yourself to death isn't helping anybody you need to rest, eat. It'll help you think straight, you know Carl wouldn't want you worrying this much"

"I can't help it, he's my son. Him and Judy are all I have left"

"Rick" I stood from my chair and walked over to him, He looked up at me with his dull blue orbs. It almost made me crumble seeing the weight of everything he was dealing with reflected in his eyes, "He is going to be okay, even after what happened I know he will, he always is"

"This was never supposed to happen Mich I was supposed to protect him, but I let Negan take him, I let him get molested and kidnapped! it's my job to stop those things from happening, to be there!"

"No" I reprimanded hating the part of Rick that never failed to blame himself "That's not on you, that's on Negan, and you know it, you cant blame yourself for that, you're a great leader and a great father and we are going to get him back"

His eyes remained sad but he let out a sigh and wrapped his arms around my waist and let his forehead lean against mine.

"I hope so," He breathed.

 **Until next time which hopefully doesn't take as long :) and remember your suggestion could really help :)**


	13. Chapter 13: What i believe

**Hey guys sorry if this took a while, I'm just really trying to figure out what should happen with Carl and Negan. I've come up with a basic idea but if you have any suggestions please let me know :)**

 **And I also wanted to say a big thanks to LawJ80, she's/he's been really awesome and supportive from the start and if you haven't read her/his story you definitely should :)**

 **LawJ80 – thank you and they will, maybe not soon but they will :)**

 **TWDfangirl – they will be escaping, sooner or later I'm not sure, but they will eventually and they will definitely grow a bound at some point maybe not like a good one, but they will :)**

 **ShunnieIsFine- thank you for taking the time to read, and I know I also love Richonne and I try to fit it, thank you for liking my Negan and even in the comics he has always had a soft spot for Carl. And yes Anthony does very much care about Carl and definitely in a protecting way like how he cared about Charlie. And thank you very much and they will, and yeah Negan still isn't exactly the good guy but we'll see where that go's, once again thanks:)**

 **As always thank you everyone for reading and reviewing you guys are really awesome:)**

Negan

I stared at him as his chest rose up and down, reassuring myself that he was okay, that he was alive and as long as it stays that way everything will be okay.

I knew it wasn't, I knew that we weren't going to get out of here unscathed, maybe Miguel hadn't actually hurt either of us yet but it was only a matter of time. I mean that's why I'm here right?

Unless he just wants to play with my mind, make me believe something horrible is going to happen when it's all just a game. It wouldn't surprise me. Miguel was always playing mind games, twisting things around.

I couldn't focus on that right now I needed to get us both out of here. Miguel had left a little while ago leaving Carl the guard and I in the nurse's office.

He had said he had better things to do and that he would be back later, I wasn't stupid I knew why he had left, I could see the way the guard looked at Carl. Miguel knew the man wouldn't pass up the opportunity and he knew I wouldn't be able to stop him.

"He's a pretty one ain't he" The guard finally spoke up.

I looked away from Carl to glare at the man. He simply chuckled, his eyes danced with amusement and excitement.

The guard pushed off the counter he had been leaning on, slinging his machine gun over his shoulder.

"I ain't seen many like him" The man mused as he moved over to the leather bed Carl rested on.

"Touch him and I swear-"

"What, what are you gonna do?" The man had a wicked smile that stretched his rough skin "You're not in charge anymore Negan, without your saviours, without your baseball bat, you're nothing"

As though to prove his point the man leaned over Carl and started to trace his jawline gently, admiring the boy in a way, "Things like this" the man said clearly talking about Carl "are hard to find, young, innocent. That's what I like"

"You're sick" I seethed making the man turn to me still clearly amused.

"It's just the way things are now Negan, you should know that better than anyone, people like him. They're only good for one thing." As the man spoke he had moved over Carl looming over the sleeping boy.

I couldn't watch this. He couldn't let this happen, not while Carl had no idea what was happening to him, it wasn't right.

The guard had starting running his hands along Carl's legs, and caressing his thighs. Carl made small noises of protest.

I clenched my teeth rage filling me once again. I pulled on my restraints unsuccessfully trying to break the rope that bound my arms and legs.

"Hey, hey you asshole!" I tried, hoping to get his attention but he simply ignored me and continued to grope the boy.

And then seeing no other way out of this, I laughed. The smooth vibrations left my mouth in hysterical laughter. And as I had hoped the man's hands had stilled on Carl's body and he glared at me almost questioningly.

"It's funny you know" I said through my laughter with a huge smile adorning my face "That assholes like you are so pathetic and lonely that you need to rape a kid for a little bit of satisfaction"

I couldn't help but laugh even more as the man's fist connected with my face and my chair crashed to the floor so that I was lying on my side in the shattered glass from the window Carl had broken.

The man grabbed my chair and pulled me upright scowling at my absolutely jolly expression.

"What do you got to smile about?" The man leaned in till his head was next to mine, he chuckled and whispered into my ear, "You're gonna die, slowly and painfully. And me, I'm gonna fuck the boy till he can't even sta-"

I couldn't help the twitch at the corner of my lips as I felt something wet start to drip onto my shoulder. The man pulled away slowly with wide eyes, blood dripping from his mouth; the same blood on my shoulder.

The man's eyes travelled down until his black orbs settled on the shard of glass embedded in his stomach. With one more smirk I kicked him in the chest sending us flying in different directions. The back of my chair hit the door breaking a leg of the chair, and once again making me hit the ground on my side.

The man lied on the floor groaning as he tried feebly to remove the glass from his abdomen. I dug my heels into the ground and kicked backwards crashing my chair into the door and managing to snap the back of the chair in half, The bottom half of my body still tied to the seat and legs of the chair, while my upper half remained bound to the armrests.

I leaned forward as much as I could and slammed my back into the door for the umpteenth time, successfully breaking the entire upper part of the chair.

As fast as I could I untied my arms from the now detached armrests and started on freeing my legs.

Once I was completely unbound I walked over to the guard who lay on the floor still trying to pull the glass from his stomach. Without a second thought and a smile I stepped on the glass, causing it to sink back into his flesh and gush even more blood. The man's eyes were wide and his mouth hung open as he gasped for breath.

I kneeled in front of his face with a smile, "guess I wasn't the one to die slowly and painfully" I said as I flicked the glass, eliciting another groan of pain.

I stepped over him and started towards the leather bed, where Carl remained unmoving. I cupped his face and lightly tapped his cheek hoping to wake him. I could just carry him, but if I was planning on taking the guards gun, I would need at least one hand free to shoot, but that depended on if he woke.

"Carl, hey Carl" I said softly

Slowly his eye fluttered till it opened halfway showing only a slit of his electric blue iris.

"D-dad?" His voice was a barely audible whisper, but I heard it none-the-less. I knew Carl was expecting rick and I know he'll be disappointed when he realizes it's me, but I can't focus on that now.

Despite the things we've been through, I can't care about him. He's nothing more than a bargaining chip, a pawn. He's no different from the people I bash with Lucille or the kids my saviours beat while raiding communities. He's just another insignificant life and the only reason I'm saving him is because he's my leverage and nothing more, That's what I believe, what I have to believe.

But if it'll make him cooperate better I could let him believe I'm Rick. He is after all still my prisoner, and if he knows it's me he'll fight, it'll be easier to get him out of here, "Yeah Carl it's me"

"Are-are we going home?" He whispered still obviously drowsy from the drugs, and very much delirious.

"Y-yeah we are, can you walk?" I couldn't help but feel bad for the sleepy yet still hopeful look on his face.

He slowly shook his head at my question, "I can't feel my legs," He slurred.

"Okay" I would have to carry him. I can still take the gun in case we run into anyone. It will definitely be difficult carrying a teenager while trying to shoot someone but I didn't have a choice.

I ripped the gun from the now dead guard and slung it over my shoulder. I went back to Carl and carefully slipped my arms beneath his knees and shoulders. He weakly wrapped his arms around my neck as I lifted him into my arms, He rested his head against my chest with a sigh, "I missed you," He whispered

I could feel guilt swelling in my chest. I pushed the feeling away once again focusing on the task at hand. We still have to get out of here.

Readjusting Carl and holding on to him tightly I kicked the door of the office open and stepped through it sideways minding the boy in my arms.

I couldn't help but wonder why Miguel hadn't come back yet. Someone must've noticed the noise by now, unless this was just another one of his games. But I couldn't think about that right now, if there's a possibility of us getting out of here I have to try, if we get caught at least I'll die for a fighting chance.

 **A/N: Do you guys think I should start writing in third person, cause it would probably be much easier to understand, if you do please let me know:) if you have a suggestion please let me know as well whether it involves Carl and Negan or Rick and Michonne, I could always use the help. Read ya later :)**


	14. Chapter 14: What could have been

Negan

I clutched Carl's hospital shirt as I turned another corner.

I knew I should be looking for an exit but I couldn't leave without her.

Carl's head rested against my chest, his eye drooping to the point that it looked closed. He still wore nothing but the hospital shirt, boxers and socks.

He seemed drowsy and ready to fall asleep any moment, the drugs still weren't out of his system.

My eyes fell to the large hand shaped bruise on his thigh contrasting with his pale skin. I could feel anger rising in me but pushed it back down. _I don't care, I don't care, I don't care._ I repeated in my head like a mantra. I knew on some level it wasn't true, but I still wanted to believe that if Carl died I wouldn't care; I wouldn't feel a thing, no matter how untrue it was.

He's a prisoner and nothing more.

I kept my surroundings in mind as I moved through the halls thinking of the places we had passed on our way to and from the front office where they kept all the weapons.

One of Carl's hands clutched the back of my leather jacket while the other held onto the front. He hung limply in my arms but I could tell he was still awake; he would take glimpses up at me once in a while as if seeing if I was still there even though I held him.

Finally after passing several classrooms and offices the room I was looking for came into sight.

I slipped passed the corner and pressed my back to the side of the office, checking left and right for any guards.

I peered into the glass that separated us from the office that held weapons and multiple people still working. Guards lazily paced around; there was no way we could slip in and out unnoticed. But I could see someone handing Lucille to another.

I growled low in my throat and tightened my grip on Carl's shoulders and knees. I couldn't leave without her, I wouldn't not after everything, she had saved Joshua… but at the same time she had pushed him away.

I heard Carl whimper and looked down to see that I was clutching the teen's shoulder so hard my nails were practically digging into his skin. I quickly eased my grip and Carl's pained expression fell back into a dazed one.

I sighed, it was risky and it would only put Carl and myself into more danger but I just couldn't find it in myself to leave her.

…

Carl sat against the wall next to me as I clutched the machine gun I had taken from the guard and leaned over the edge of the open door to the office. There weren't as many people as before, I had seen some go into the back room to put weapons away and some had retired to their living quarters as the day wore on.

I felt a tug at my sleeve and looked beside me to see Carl clutching my jacket.

"I'm tired," he whispered, a small pout on his lips making him look much younger.

"I know, but when we get home you can sleep all you want, just stay awake for me okay"

I placed a hand on his cheek and he seemed to melt into it. The same way Joshua used to.

It reminded me of happier times, simpler times when Joshua Lucille and I would spend our day in the park eating ice cream.

When Joshua would hit a home run and look at me with that gleam in his eyes and that dazzling smile.

When I would come home late from work and we would sit on the couch, me with my beer, and Joshua with his can of soda and watch football until Lucille would come downstairs and scold us both into bed.

For a rare second I almost smiled, I felt the twitch in my lips and almost welcomed it; almost let myself believe that I could have those same things with Carl.

That I could have my son back, that things could be different.

But then a grim look swept over my features as I upbraided myself for such stupid thoughts, delusional and unrealistic thoughts that could never be true.

My hand dropped from Carl's cheek and I turned away from him without a glance, clutching the machine gun with white knuckles.

I forced my mind back to the objective and pushed all thoughts of both Carl and Joshua from my mind. I peeked into the room again to see only two guards and a handful of people still sorting weapons.

I glanced around at several of the boxes before my eyes landed on Lucille sitting in a box with other bats, crowbars and hand held weapons.

I straightened getting ready to take the shot. I could only take one guard by surprise. I would have to fight the other and avoid getting both myself and Carl shot. If any of the other people in the office decide to fight it would make it much more difficult, they were surrounded by weapons, any of them could simply pick one up.

I sighed, I had to hope I would put them into enough of a panic that they would flee, they didn't look like fighters like the guards, if they were, they wouldn't be sorting weapons but hefting them.

I once again felt the tug at my sleeve, I sighed and turned to Carl again. He held a handful of the leather material in his hand and for a moment he looked at the part of jacket he held with confusion. He stared at me with that convicting blue eye of his, he studied my face, and his expression was unreadable.

He looked up at me and asked.

"Dad? Where are you going? What are you doing, I thought you said we were going home"

He put his hand on my shoulder; he clutched the material of my leather jacket in a fist.

"You're wearing… a leather jacket. When did you get a leather jacket?"

He stared at me with his large questioning eye waiting for my answer.

My insides did a one eighty. How could I possibly answer that, I looked nothing like Rick, if he noticed the jacket he would start to notice other things.

I grabbed his wrist and slowly lowered his arm; I placed it in his lap and looked back up at his still thoroughly confused gaze.

"I have to go Carl, I'll come back for you, I promise" I gave him an apologetic look.

I could already see some of the confusion melting away and realization starting to dawn on him. But I stood and looked over the corner, and into the room again.

I raised the gun and aimed right for one of the guard's heads, the one that seemed stronger and bigger. I inhaled and rested my finger on the trigger.

I exhaled and took the shot.

There was a loud and surprised yelp then with a spray of blood the guard was down, a hole in his head.

For a moment everyone just stood there, eyes wide and jaws slack and then it was chaos.

A woman screamed and the guard jumped into action.

"Everyone! Get back to your rooms now!" The guard shouted and lifted his gun to the wall I stood behind as people crowded out of the room.

People passed, none noticing Carl or me in their haste to get to their rooms.

Once everyone was gone the guard spoke, "Who ever you are come out," he growled, "Come on you bastard, you won't be able to get out of here anyways"

Before I could do anything a hole popped into the wall, wood and drywall sprayed over both of us.

Another bullet hit the wall just above Carl's shoulder, he yelped and dived to the side.

"It's you isn't it" The guard said, "You and the kid that Miguel brought in"

I swung around the wall and shot, taking the guard by surprise. I swung back around but heard the cry of pain and thud as he hit the floor. I could hear heavy and pained breathing from behind the wall, meaning I had only shot him not killed him.

I turned to Carl and plopped the large machine gun onto his lap. I grabbed his arm in a bruising grip.

"Don't move," I warned through clenched teeth, "If anyone comes, shoot them"

Carl looked like he wanted to use the weapon on me but he knew we had priorities, if he killed me there was almost no chance of him making it out of here.

Before Carl could say anything back I rounded the corner.

I could hear the gunshots whizzing past me, and the sound of the bullets hitting the wooden wall of the office with a spray of splintered wood.

I lunged for the box that held Lucille and wrapped my hand around her, ignoring the metal that dug into my hand and drew the drops of blood that rolled down my arm.

Before I knew what was happening I had let out a strangled cry of pain. My leg buckled and I could feel the small piece of metal in my leg.

The guard had shot me.

The man held up the gun, this time aiming for my head.

He smirked, "You were never gonna wi-"

The body that crashed into him was less than half his size, but the teenager was unrelenting.

Carl punched the man with as much strength as he could, but he was still weak and drugged. I don't know how much medicine Miguel gave him but he wasn't ready to fight anyone.

The man grabbed his wrist before he could hit him again. The guard turned the tables and pushed the struggling teen onto his back. He straddled the youth and wrapped his large hands around Carl's neck.

I clenched my teeth trying to push away the pain and get to Carl. I could hear the chocking noises coming from the teen as he scratched at the man's face, wheezing, scratching and fighting.

I clutched Lucille; I could feel the metal thorns digging even more into my rough palm but instead of letting the pain stop me I used it to fuel me.

I could see Carl's movements starting to turn sluggish, his face was red and he could only eke gasps of breath.

I growled low in my throat and charged at the man, he was so focused on choking the life out of the teen he hadn't noticed me move till I swung Lucille.

His head snapped back with a splatter of blood that showered both Carl and I.

The teen was clutching his throat, taking in scratchy and labored breaths.

I panted clutching my bloody beauty as the limp body of the guard slumped onto Carl. The teen pushed the man's lifeless body away and struggled to sit up.

I reached to help him but he slapped my hand away, glaring at me with as much hate as a person could muster and at this point I couldn't blame him.

I sighed and looked around there was no doubt Miguel knew we've escaped by now.

I stood, as Carl took in lungful's of air. I walked to the door and checked around each corner. The coast was clear for now but I know they'll be waiting for me, for us.

"What happened to the gun?" I asked Carl.

I saw a flash of electric blue as he glanced up at me and then muttered, "It was out of ammo"

I walked back over to him and extended my hand to help him up. But he glared at me and once again slapped my hand away.

He pressed his bloody palms to the carpeted office floor and pushed himself onto shaky feet. He glared at me for about half a second before he stumbled forward, clutching his throat as he coughed.

I caught him before he could fall. He clutched my jacket as he coughed violently into my chest.

I rubbed his back and I had the feeling the only reason he wasn't pushing me away was because he was half drugged and coughing up a storm.

Finally after the coughing subsided and he pulled in large labored breaths his eye flickered up to me. He studied my face for a moment before his features scrunched in anger and he pushed me away, which caused him to stumble back more than me.

I sighed again, "Let's go were getting out of here"

"I'm going home," he said, as I turned towards the door, "when we get out of here I'm going back to Alexandria and you're not going stop me"

I turned my head to the side, my eyes settling on his shaking figure and fierce gaze.

"Not as long as I have something to say about it"

 **Wow it's been a while I didn't mean to take this long it's just I can't afford internet at the moment even now I'm typing this in a Taco Bell…**

 **Moomoo- Me too ;)**

 **Lizzy- Rick will find him eventually… I hope, anyway thanks for the nice review :)**

 **Alucard and Seras- Aww thank you:) I was also looking for one but couldn't find it so I wrote one :) I can't wait to see their relationship in the show, I absolutely loved it in the comics, lets hope. And once again thank you :)**

 **Guest- Here I am!**

 **Flacagonzalez- Thank you :) Yes I agree the damage has been done and he is in part to blame, lets see where this goes and as always thanks for reviewing :)**

 **I'll try not to be so late next time, I really will, I don't want to give up on this story and I think I have a vague ending in mind so please stick around :)**


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